Ch 11 - Map of the Problematique

Fear, and panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I saw
Is being swept away
When I refuse to let you go

“Map Of The Problematique” - MUSE

FLASHBACK

“Come on, Come on, Come on…” I yelled into my phone, ringing echoing into my ears. A recording flipped on, telling me to leave a message. It beeped and I groaned.

“Dammit Tyler, I tried calling you all night last night, where are you? Charlie just left for the day and won’t be back until late. Call me as soon as you can, please.”

I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed. I paced around the room, chewing on my fingernails. They were barely stubs, gnawed so far down that a few of my fingers were bleeding. I never used to chew on my nails but found myself doing it more and more over the past few weeks. I did it when I was anxious, and lately I’d been constantly on edge.

I picked up the small orange pill bottle from on top of my desk, shaking it. I knew it was empty but found myself rechecking constantly, hoping that maybe I’d been mistaken.

I groaned, throwing the pill bottle at the wall after once again confirming there was nothing in it. I flopped down on my bed, closing my eyes. My head was pounding painfully, the Tylenol I’d taken doing nothing to dull it. It was so intense it nearly blurred my vision.

I was messed up. There was no denying that fact, as much as I wanted to. I got myself in deep, too deep, and I was stuck. The logical part of my brain told me that; it screamed for me to get help, to end this. But that voice of reason was drowned out by an enemy. An addiction.

I swore that I could stop anytime. I’d only been doing it for a month and convinced myself that a month wasn’t long enough to grow addicted. But I’d been fooling myself, because I was addicted before I even actually started. It didn’t matter if I physically became dependant on the chemicals I poisoned my system with, because I was already dependant on something much more potent—Edward.

But the fact is, I had grown dependant on the drugs also. In one-month time, I completely wiped out my savings and resorted to taking money from Charlie. It wasn’t as if there had been a lot of money saved up, only a few hundred, but I blew through that quickly

Every time I took GHB after the incident when I broke the bathroom mirror, similar side effects occurred. Usually it wasn’t as violent and occasionally everything would just simply blur out for a moment. It was always brief, but it was troubling none-the-less.

Three days ago I ran out of GHB; I’d also ran out of money. Every hour that passed without seeing Edward drove me further and further into desperation. I stole a bottle of Percocet from Charlie’s medicine cabinet, needing to take the edge off. They did nothing to bring Edward back to me, but they did dull the pain… the pain that had retuned upon Edwards abrupt departure. Over the weeks, I’d become obsessed with his presence. Without him, I felt worse than ever. It felt like he’d left me alone in the woods all over again.

Yesterday, everything had come to a head. I ran out of Percocet and had nothing to ward off the pain. It completely overtook me. I started having a panic attack and jumped in my truck, driving down to the police station where Charlie was working. When I arrived, he wasn’t there. Myrtle, the dispatcher, told me that he was out on a call and offered me something to drink. She got me a glass of water and excused herself to the bathroom. I paced around, waiting for Charlie. In my panic, I’d planned on spilling everything to him and begging him to help me make it stop. But on a whim I ended up doing the worst thing yet: I stole Myrtle’s wallet from her purse.

My phone rang and I jumped up quickly. Everything went blurry from the head rush. I closed my eyes to ward off the dizziness and grabbed the phone once I was stable again.

“Sorry Bella,” Tyler said when I answered. “The guy that I get the stuff from went out of town for 2 weeks so I haven’t been able to get you any.” I groaned loudly, muttering random curse words.

“There is another option,” he said. I sighed. Occasionally Tyler had been unable to get the GHB right away and offered me other drugs. I usually took them and tried them, but more often than not they didn’t give me what I needed.

“I really need the GHB Tyler,” I said.

“Well look, there is this other guy in Port Angeles that has it. But it’ll cost you more and you’re going to have to go pick it up.”

“Fine, whatever,” I said quickly. He told me he’d work everything out and for me to meet him at his place at seven.

At seven on the dot I pulled up at Tyler’s house. Lauren Mallory stood in his front yard, arms crossed over her chest. She was tapping her foot impatiently and narrowed her eyes at me as I approached. Tyler walked outside and smiled at me. Lauren huffed and he rolled his eyes at her.

“Chill out,” he said sternly. Lauren sighed and waved him off. He turned back to me and spoke again. “I can’t go to Port Angeles, my parents are tripping. Laurens agreed to ride with you, as she knows the guy.”

I looked at him incredulously and he chuckled. “No big deal, right Lauren?”

She smiled slightly, her eyes still on me. “No problem, I don’t mind.”

I briefly considered changing my mind and leaving, the idea of driving to Port Angeles with Lauren Mallory not my idea of a good time, but my addiction won the battle of the wills. I shrugged. “Whatever, that’s fine.”

I walked back over to my truck and hopped in. Tyler kissed Lauren quickly and she moseyed her way over to my truck, sliding into the passenger seat. She looked around the cab and wrinkled her nose, looking disgusted. I sighed and started it up. She jumped as the engine roared to life and mumbled something under her breath.

The ride to Port Angeles was torturously long. Neither Lauren nor I spoke much. She gave me directions to the house; I parked in front of it and pulled out two $100 bills, handing them to her. She looked at the large bills, seemingly surprised, before she exited the truck and walked up to the house. She knocked and entered.

It seemed like she was inside forever. My phone rang as I waited on her… I picked it up and saw that it was Charlie calling. I sighed and silenced it, not wanting to get into it with him. I knew I’d be in trouble when I got home, as I was still grounded and wasn’t supposed to leave the house. I also knew it would only be a matter of time before he questioned me about Myrtle’s missing money, since he was already suspicious of me stealing.

I nearly fell asleep waiting on her, as I hadn’t been able to sleep much the past few days. Finally, after half an hour, Lauren walked out of the house and climbed back into my truck. She reached into her oversized purse and pulled out the plastic bottle full of clear liquid. I thanked her, taking it. She laughed.

“Tyler didn’t tell me what I was coming here for. I figured you wanted some weed or something… I couldn’t believe it when the guy handed me a bottle of that shit. That’s hardcore, Swan.”

I nodded, otherwise not responding. I wasn’t happy with Lauren knowing, as she was a vindictive person. I worried what she was going to do with the information and regretted bringing her… I hadn’t exactly thought the trip through.

I started the truck back up and started driving home. It was dark out and raining, slightly foggy.

Justin Timberlake’s song “SexyBack” unexpectedly rang out, breaking the silence. Lauren grabbed her phone and squealed, causing me to wince. She flipped it open and the song stopped playing.

She started talking to someone, her voice purposely whiney. I realized immediately that it must be a guy, as that was the voice she often used when in the presence of males. I guess she thought it was sexy or playful, but in actuality it was grating.

I groaned in irritation. I tried to focus on the road and block her out, but she was too loud and my head was pounding. I heard her flick a lighter, the fire illuminating the cab. I glanced over, about to chastise her for smoking cigarettes out of irritation, and gasped. The smell of marijuana hit me immediately--she had lit a joint.

She saw me looking at her and rolled her eyes. I shook my head… the last thing I needed was to arrive home smelling like weed. Charlie had a keen nose for that, being a police chief and all.

The smoke started filling the cab, burning my already hurting eyes. I told her to roll her window down if she was going to smoke it, but she refused, saying the rain would come in and get her wet.

I reached my breaking point, unable to take it any longer. The only thing that was going to make any of it better was seeing Edward. I grabbed the bottle of GHB, twisting the lid off and taking a swig. Lauren watched me in shock but I shrugged her off.

She focused back on her conversation and I once again tried to block her out. After a few minutes she started giggling. I wasn’t sure if it was something the person on the phone said or if the marijuana was making her do it, but she couldn’t seem to stop giggling.

Her laughter grew louder before being slightly muffled. My vision started to blur, and I momentarily was confused. A sinking feeling settled it and I felt as if I were underwater. I could still hear Lauren’s laughter, but it sounded so far away. I felt like I was in slow motion and I couldn’t seem to make anything out. Everything was hazy.

Lauren grew hysterical, her laughter turning into screaming. I turned my head in her direction but couldn’t seem to locate her. I could still hear her piercing screams, cringing as the sound rang through my ears.

I felt a sudden pain shoot up my spine, and started to really panic. I opened my mouth to scream but couldn’t get any noise to come out. The pain was intense, worse than anything I’d ever experienced before. It felt as it had that day in Pheonix when James’ venom had entered my bloodstream. Lauren’s screams were cut off and the air around me grew thick. I had a hard time breathing, each breath causing my lungs to hurt, my body convulsing with coughs. There was a horrific stench in the air, the smell burning my nostrils.

Everything started to go black and I tried to move, tried to escape the pain and the stench. I fought the blackness but it was too strong and was creeping over me. I felt by body giving out when suddenly I was jolted harshly, yanked away, before the blackness finally overcame me.