Ch 34 - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

“Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” – Green Day

I heard everything Edward said, I swear I did. I was listening so intently that I could probably even recite it back, word-for-word. But there seemed to be some sort of filter between my ears and my brain, because it wasn’t really sinking in.

So yeah, I knew Victoria was after me, and was wreaking havoc in Seattle with other vampires, and that they’d targeted me and showed up at my house and work and that Dr. Nelson had fallen victim to their sick game, but I didn’t seem to really get it. There was a disconnect there somewhere.

I nodded when Edward finished the tale and thanked him for telling me. He was looking at me suspiciously, obviously expecting some sort of reaction from me. But I just couldn’t react; I didn’t know what to say or how to act. How was I supposed to feel about it?

I realized I oddly didn’t feel anything when he finished speaking and that was a bit alarming. I was no stranger to feeling nothing, had grown used to numbness. But being numb wasn’t a good thing—being numb led to drastic measures taken in order to feel again.

Even the sadness I had felt when I woke up had dissipated. I had a nightmare of sorts while I slept, but it wasn’t my usual one. I wasn’t reliving the past; I was living out my worst fear. In my dream I could faintly make out Edward in the distance and tried to go to him, but the more steps I took in his direction the further away he got. I was sprinting, yelling, trying to reach him but he was continually out of my reach. I could faintly make out his voice but it was fading. His lips were still moving, I could clearly see that, but the words weren’t making it to my ears. I was losing him; he was falling away from me.

I woke up abruptly, heartbroken after not being able to reach Edward, only to see him sitting a few feet away from me. His expression matched what I was feeling inside, the devastation and hurt plain as day in his face.

But I didn’t feel that sadness now. I felt nothing.

“Are you okay Bella?” Edward asked softly, startling me. I nearly forgot he was sitting beside me. I glanced at him and smiled lightly, nodding. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I wasn’t breaking down—I didn’t want to ruin his mood by telling him I hadn’t broken down because I felt nothing.

I hoped it was shock and that it would wear off soon, because if it weren’t shock that meant Edward had pretty much been right. I was fragile, too fragile to deal with what he had to tell me.

Edward lay down and pulled me down on top of him, cradling me in his arms. He started humming lightly and I felt my eyes growing heavy again. I drifted back off to sleep quickly.

I woke up and glanced around at my surroundings, confused. I wasn’t in my bed in my apartment. It took a minute for realization to set in of where I was, all of the events the day before flooding back to me quickly. The numbness disappeared and the shock wore off. The emotions that hit me were intense and I cried out loudly, starting to hyperventilate. Carlisle was at my side in an instant, in complete doctor mode, telling me to breathe deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth. I felt a strong wave of calm spread through me and I glanced up into the doorway to see Jasper standing there.

My breathing came under control quickly, thanks to Jaspers intervention. My stomach rumbled loudly and I blushed, embarrassed.

“Let’s go downstairs, Esme’s making you breakfast,” Carlisle said with a smile. I nodded and got up, following him and Jasper down the steps. The scent of French toast hit me instantly, causing my stomach to growl again as I nearly started salivating. I sat down at the dining room table and Esme placed a plate in front of me.

I took a bite and groaned loudly. It was incredible, one of the greatest things I ever tasted. “This is amazing Esme,” I said enthusiastically. “How did you learn to cook?”

She popped her head back in front the kitchen and smiled. “Food Network,” she said simply. I took another bite, chewing slowly to savor it.

Edward and Alice came in through the backdoor when I was finished. They both smiled brightly at me, Edward leaning down and pressing his mouth to mine. I had a bit of syrup on my lips from the French Toast that transferred to Edward’s lips when he kissed me. He licked it off and his face contorted.

“Disgusting,” he muttered. I laughed at his expression and he smiled sheepishly, shrugging. His eyes were lighter now—it was evident he fed while I slept.

“Did you have a nice hunt?” I asked. He nodded, smiling.

“We didn’t go very far so the selection wasn’t that great, but it worked.” Alice rolled her eyes from the doorway.

“Edward refused to go more than a few miles away. I told him you’d be fine but he wouldn’t listen, so we got stuck with deer,” Alice said. I laughed, as Edward looked slightly embarrassed at his sister telling on him.

“You guys should totally own a farm or something, then you wouldn’t have to leave to feed,” I said with a shrug.

“Really, Bella? Farm animals?” a voice said behind me. I turned to see Emmett grinning at me.

I shrugged again. “Yeah, why not? Have you ever tried farm animals?”

Edward shuddered, shaking his head. Emmett laughed.

“Emmett dared Edward to take out a pig once,” Alice said, trying to stifle a chuckle.

“Repulsive creatures,” Edward muttered. “They’re so filthy and disease-ridden. Plus we could never actually own animals Bella, it would be chaos. Are you forgetting the zoo already?”

“Aww man, you took her to the zoo?! Why didn’t you call me?” Emmett asked, sounding slightly offended and hurt.

I laughed. Rosalie walked into the room and narrowed her eyes at Emmett. She spouted off something fast that I couldn’t hear. Emmett frowned and Edward glared at her. Emmett smiled apologetically at me and bounded out of the room after Rose, who stomped away.

“So insecure,” Edward muttered. I heard a hiss ring out from across the house and Edward rolled his eyes, otherwise ignoring it.

“So what are we doing today?” I asked. Edward smiled sadly, shrugging.

“Whatever you want to do. I’m supposed to go with Carlisle later to meet with the dogs, but other than that I have nothing planned.”

“Can I come?” I asked, glancing at him. He frowned deeply.

“Absolutely not,” he said, his voice firm. “That mongrel Jacob Black is going to be there and I don’t want you anywhere near him.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly. “Jacob used to be my friend, you know.”

“I know, and I’m not very happy about that but I can’t change the past.”

“He saved my life,” I said, folding my arms across the chest.

“True, I’m grateful for that and I always will be. But you saw how he reacted the last time he saw you, I won’t have a repeat of it happening.”

I huffed loudly but didn’t argue. I left the dining room and plopped down on the couch. Edward followed me, sighing and sitting down beside me.

“I just want to help,” I mumbled. I was feeling guilty and useless. It was mostly my fault all of this was happening. Rosalie had a right to be so infuriated—I brought all of this chaos into her life, turned everything upside down. And there was nothing I could do about it.

“I know, and you’ll be helping me a lot if I know you’re safe.”

I nodded. “Maybe I’ll go see Charlie,” I said. Edward froze, turning to look at me.

“I’m not so sure…” he started. I narrowed my eyes at him and he stopped mid-sentence. “Whatever you want, love. Would you like me to go along?”

I snorted, shaking my head. “Something tells me showing up at Charlie’s house with you in tow would only make things worse.”

He smiled sadly. “Yeah, you’re right.” He stood up, reaching into his pockets and handing me his keys. “You can take the Volvo.”

My eyes widened and I stared at him with surprise. “Are you sure?” I asked, slightly stunned. He chuckled and nodded.

We sat around for a while and the rest of the family joined us. We chatted, passing the time. Carlisle glanced at his watch at 5pm and stood up, motioning to Edward and Emmett.

“I’ll be back,” Edward said softly. He stood up and leaned down, placing a light kiss on my forehead. “Have fun at Charlie’s.”

I smiled and nodded, wishing him luck. He glanced at Esme and she smiled. Edward nodded slightly before heading for the back door. I rolled my eyes as Esme’s eyes fell onto me. I should’ve known he’d have someone watching me.

“I’m just going to go into town, I’ll keep my distance,” she said softly. I nodded, standing up. I hesitated briefly, glancing down at the set of keys in my hand, slightly afraid. Edward never let anyone drive his car, he was entirely too fond of it. I was afraid of damaging it.

I headed out the door and slid into the drivers seat, taking a few deep breaths before starting it up. I drove to Charlie’s house slowly, as cautiously as possible. I ventured a guess that the Volvo had never been driven so slow before.

I arrived at Charlie’s house and saw the cruiser parked in the driveway. I pulled in behind it and shut the engine off, taking a few deep breaths. I glanced up and spotted Charlie standing in the front window, glaring at the Volvo. I sighed and got out, walking slowly to the front door. Sue opened it before I even had a chance to knock. She didn’t smile, her glare slightly cold. She was a Quileute and I had realized her son was likely a wolf, so she’d be well aware of the existence of the supernatural. Any affection or sympathy she felt for me before was obviously gone, disappeared the moment she realized I was still associating with what she deemed as the enemy. She stepped aside so I could enter, but not without slightly narrowing her eyes and glancing at Edward’s car with disgust.

I stepped inside and saw Charlie pacing behind the couch. He was muttering under his breath, his face slightly red. He was frustrated. He glanced up and our eyes locked and he huffed.

“How could you Bella?” he nearly bellowed, the loudness of his voice startling me. “After everything that boy did, how could you?”

I sighed. “It’s not Edward’s fault, dad…” I started, but he cut me off quickly.

“Not his fault?! Of course it’s his fault! He destroyed you; I didn’t even recognize you anymore after he got through with you!”

“You can’t blame Edward for that, he wasn’t even around.”

Charlie huffed again. “You’re right, he wasn’t around. He bailed on you, leaving destruction in his wake, and having all of us trying to pick up the pieces. How can you forgive him Bella?!”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” I said simply. Charlie froze in his tracks and I heard Sue suck in a deep breath, obviously preparing for Charlie’s wrath.

“Nothing to forgive? Have you forgotten everything that happened, because I assure you no one around here has!! Forks is still dealing with it, grieving over everything that boy caused! The drugs, the stealing, the lying! The accident for Christ sakes! Have you completely forgotten about Lauren?!” Charlie bellowed.

I flinched, tears filling my eyes. His words stung, the accident being thrown in my face hurt. “Of course I haven’t forgotten Lauren. I killed her dad! Not Edward, Me! I did it! If you want to hate anyone, hate me! I’m the one who did all of the drugs and stole from you, not him! I’m the one who lost control and wrecked the truck. He didn’t know anything about it until it was too late. You can’t blame him because I was immature and stubborn and made stupid decisions.”

Sue slipped out of the room in the middle of my rant. Charlie sighed. “He left you Bella, he disappeared when you needed him. How can you forgive that?”

“He may have left, but he came back. When I was at my lowest point, when the doctors in Seattle were trying to put me back together physically and mentally, he was the only one that was there. You wanna know why I can forgive him? Because everyone else walked away from me, believing I was a lost cause, but he didn’t. He never gave up on me.”

Charlie was silent. He walked over and sat down in his chair. There was an awkward silence for a while before Charlie spoke up again. “I still don’t like it. Are you two… living together? How serious is it?”

I sighed, unsure of how to respond. Technically I guess we were living together. Edward and I never really talked about it, never really discussed what we were. It just all came together and it just… was.

A loud bang startled us both before I could answer. Charlie grumbled and Sue walked in the room, heading for the door. She opened it and gasped.

“Hi. Can I speak to Bella for a moment please?” I heard the velvety voice say, the voice smooth and charming. I furrowed my brow and jumped up, heading for the door. I heard Charlie curse and Sue backed away, looking a mixture of furious and frightened.

“Edward?!” I asked incredulously. I had no idea what he was doing here—I told him showing up at Charlie’s was a bad idea.

“Bella.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes were frantic, pleading for me to understand. Something was wrong—very wrong.

“What’s going on?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm but inside I was panicking.

“Did you forget our plans? Remember, we have reservations?” he said smoothly. He was looking past me as he spoke. I glanced behind my shoulder and saw Charlie standing there, listening to our conversation.

“Uh, yeah sorry. Hold on.” I turned and smiled sadly at Charlie. “I’ve gotta get going dad, sorry. I’ll see you later.” I turned and walked out before Charlie could respond. As soon as I shut the door Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to the Volvo. I slipped in the passenger seat as he jumped into the driver’s side, starting up the car and speeding away quickly.

“What’s really going on?!” I asked, my voice slightly frantic now.

He sighed, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. “It’s starting.”