Ch 62 - When We Meet Again

Fall in love when we meet again
We can finish what we started
Fall in love if we try again
And then nothing will keep us apart
We're not the same as when we first began
We'll try to change, we'll take another chance
Maybe you and I could work it out
Maybe you and I can make it

“When We Meet Again” - Alanis Morissette

Edward POV

I stood against the wall, my head leaned back and my eyes closed. I was listening to Bella’s heart rate, each thump reassuring me that things were going to be okay. As long as it was still pumping, we weren’t too late.

When she developed sepsis her heart rate had shot up to over 90 beats per minute, but since then as shock set in it had steadily declined. It was hovering around 58 now, which was below normal. Carlisle was putting a right-heart catheter in so he could monitor how it was functioning, but he knew it wasn’t good. He could hear the murmur; he could smell the infection in every thump of her weary heart.

Her skin was yellowing also as jaundice was setting in. Carlisle’s thoughts were on the conversation he was about to have with Bella’s parents. Despite the massive amounts of drugs he’s pumping into her system, two organ systems have been compromised already. She was fading fast. As it stood now, her chances of survival hovered around 10%.

Charlie and Renee knew. They both were in tune with their daughter, despite what Bella may have thought. Bella often felt out of place, like no one truly saw her. But her parents did, and they both knew she wasn’t going to survive.

Knowing it in your heart and having a doctor confirm it were two different things, however.

Carlisle walked out of Bella’s room and I glanced at him. He frowned a bit at me, his thoughts sad. It was hard on him, watching Bella waste away like she was. Him and I hadn’t really spoken much and I know he was worried, but he’d yet to question me. I knew it was coming though, I knew he was going to ask. He wanted to know if I intended to intervene and bite her, or if I were simply going to let her go.

He hadn’t asked though, because he was hesitant to mention to me that she was dying. I knew she was, and he knew I knew, but like I said—knowing and having it verbalized are two different things.

“They’re here,” I said after a moment, as Renee’s thoughts filtered to me from the parking lot. Carlisle nodded, walking to the elevator to head them off. I stayed glued to the wall, closing my eyes again.

The moment the elevator opened and they spotted the look on Carlisle’s face, dread rocked through them both. They knew they were running low on time. Carlisle led them to Bella’s room, right by me. I didn’t open my eyes to look at them, having already seen their expressions in Carlisle’s mind. I didn’t want to witness the sheer panic and heartbreak firsthand.

“Give it to us straight,” Charlie said. Carlisle sighed.

“I’ve pushed all I can into her but the infection is spreading to her organ systems. It started hitting the second one this morning, and once two of them are compromised the chances of coming back from it are low.”

Renee sobbed loudly and Charlie grabbed a hold of her, pulling her into a tight hug. “What exactly are the odds?”

Carlisle hesitated. “10% or so.” Charlie groaned and Renee continued to sob. “She’ll likely hold on for at least another day, maybe a little longer if you need some time with her.”

“Is she in any pain?” Renee asked, glancing at him through her tears.

Carlisle shook his head. “No, she’s numb.” I groaned as he said the word. Numb. I’d heard Bella use that word to describe herself and she hated it. She hated feeling nothing. “She’s not registering any response to pain, hasn’t been since she slipped into the coma. There’s a chance the infection is intervening with her nervous system, blocking out any chance of her feeling anything also, but it’s hard to tell given her state. I’m going to be giving her some morphine soon also, just in case, as the organs start shutting down.”

“I’m going to continue pushing treatment, keeping her systems functioning. I’m not going to stop fighting unless you tell me otherwise,” he said after a moment.

Charlie and Renee thanked him, and Carlisle departed. I didn’t open my eyes to look as he exited but his thoughts told me to follow him.

I sighed and pushed off of the wall, following him into his office. I closed the door behind me and plopped down in the chair across from his desk.

“What are they thinking?” he asked.

“They’re thinking Bella is going to die,” I said. He nodded and was quiet for a moment.

“And what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking in a few hours you’re going to take her off of the respirator.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Are they going to ask me to end treatment?” I nodded. “And what do you think about that?”

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “You can just ask me, you know. You don’t have to beat around the bush and ask me what I think about things. I promise you don’t want to know what’s running through my mind. What you really want to know if I’m going to change her, right?”

He nodded. “Sorry,” he mumbled. I shrugged and waved him off.

“Yes,” I said after a moment of silence. “I haven’t figured out how to pull it off yet though.”

He breathed an audible sigh of relief, his thoughts shouting ‘Thank God’. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he smiled sheepishly. He immediately started thinking of ways we could make it happen without any suspicion at all—a way we could do it while giving her parents the peace they needed.

Because it wasn’t as if we could fake some sort of accident or just have her disappear. She was in a coma, on life support in the beginning stages of multiple organ failure. She couldn’t just get up and walk away and we surely couldn’t do it right here, right now. Charlie and Renee were going to want to be there to the end, were going to want to spend Bella’s last moments with her and say goodbye. And if we waited too long to act, it could be too late to change her. We would need her heart to be beating for the change and if her heart shut down from the organ failure, it wasn’t likely that we’d be able to start it to get it to pump the venom through.

And even after that, we still had the problem of her body. Charlie and Renee wouldn’t have a body to bury, and it wasn’t as if there was any cause for there to be a closed casket.

“We’ll figure it out,” Carlisle said softly. I glanced up at him and he smiled. I nodded and sighed, standing up.

“I’m going to go to Bella’s room,” I said, turning and walking out of the office. I walked down the hallway slowly. I knew I should’ve given her parents some time with her alone, but I couldn’t bear to be away from her at a time like this.

I paused in the doorway and gazed at Bella. Her skin was significantly yellow now. Charlie glanced up at me. “How you doing, son?” he asked.

My eyes went to his and I was shocked by the worry in them. He was looking at me with concern, his past personal feelings no longer mattering. It was all about Bella now, what she wanted and what she loved. Charlie accepted she loved me and because of that, he was worried for me.

I turned back to Bella and nodded lightly, unsure of how to really answer that question. Charlie nodded, understanding, and also turned to look at Bella.

“She said yes,” I said softly after a moment.

“Yeah?” he asked, turning back to me. I nodded.

“I asked her a few days ago. She didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

Charlie smiled lightly, a vision of him with Bella in a white dress coming into his thoughts. I closed my eyes and fought back a sob at the image of what could’ve been. Renee was looking between Charlie and I with confusion.

“You proposed?” she asked after a moment. I nodded and she started crying, whimpering. Charlie pulled her into a hug, trying to shush her, but his eyes were welled up with tears also.

A loud beep from the monitor in the corner caught our attention. She had another dip in blood pressure, pushing it dangerously low again. Carlisle walked in and went to the monitor, glancing over the screen and taking note off all of her vitals and her body’s functioning.

“I’m going to draw some blood and have the lab do a complete workup,” he said after a moment. Charlie and Renee nodded with their approval. Carlisle left and came back a moment later with a nurse. I held my breath as they withdrew the blood, trying not to watch.

I left the room after a moment, walking down to Carlisle’s office and sitting inside. Esme showed up and sat with me, trying to be comforting. Angela Weber appeared at the hospital some time later, visiting with Bella while Charlie and Renee went to go get something to eat. I stepped out of Carlisle’s office and intentionally crossed paths with Angela in the hallway as she left, wanting to thank her. She’d been a good friend to Bella, one of the few willing to come to the hospital to see her.

Early that evening the lab work came back, indicating another organ system was now compromised. Her renal system wasn’t functioning properly and she was on her way to kidney failure.

I walked with him to Bella’s room so he could break the news to her parents. It saddened them both but they weren’t exactly surprised. In fact, the news only made them breathe easier, as they’d already come to a heartbreaking decision.

“We can start kidney dialysis in the morning, if that’s what you wish,” Carlisle said. Charlie shook his head. He looked up and eyed me cautiously, worried about how I was going to react to what he was about to say. He hesitated, sighing, resigned.

“We think it’s time for us to let her go,” he said softly, emotion causing him to choke on the words. I put my head down, sighing. I knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier to hear.

Everything was quiet for a moment, none of us really knowing what to say next. Carlisle cleared his throat eventually. “Okay. We can start preparing to do that,” he said. “Do you know what your plans will be for afterwards, so we know how to prepare her, uh, body?”

I didn’t miss the quick glance Carlisle sent me.

“The plan was to have her body sent back to Phoenix, have her buried there,” Charlie said. Fear rocked through me, Carlisle’s thoughts mirroring my feelings. I hadn’t considered they’d want to take her away. “But we realized that wasn’t Bella anymore. Her home was here, her life was here, and she wouldn’t want to be stuck in the ground there.”

Renee laughed lightly. “She hated attention so we’re not going to make a big spectacle out of it. We’ll have a small service, of course, but Bella wouldn’t want people looking at her, ya know?”

I nodded and smiled lightly. She would’ve despised that.

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “So we think we’re going to have her cremated.”

They looked at me, wanting my opinion on the subject since I was going to be her husband. I appreciated being included, even though I didn’t really deserve it. “She would’ve liked that,” I said with a nod after a moment.

They nodded, agreeing. Carlisle asked them if they’d like him to contact any clergy. Charlie considered it but they ultimately declined—they were both spiritual, as was Bella, but none of them were truly church devout religious people. Carlisle departed then, to get all the paperwork in order—he wanted to handle it all himself, although he’d usually delegate it to a nurse.

I gave Charlie and Renee some time alone with Bella, knowing they’d need it. They’d just made a heartbreaking decision and had to come to grips with their daughter’s death. I, too, had to come to grips with the decisions I made… I needed to figure out exactly how to pull this off.

I walked into Carlisle’s office and found him sitting at his desk, looking at some medical text. He glanced up at me and smiled lightly.

“We’ve got about an hour to come up with a plan,” he said.

I nodded, already knowing that. We sat in silence for a moment, thinking.

“How long do you think she can stay down in her condition?” I asked. I knew her heart was weakened, infected. We were going to have to let it stop so Carlisle could declare her legally dead—there would be too many witnesses to pull a fast one with that. It’s not uncommon for people to be down for over 10 minutes and their hearts still able to be shocked into rhythm, but this wasn’t a normal circumstance. I was worried we’d have to let her go down and we’d be unable to revive her enough for the change.

“A few minutes maybe. The sooner we can shock her the better, of course. There’s an automatic defibrillator in the cabinet in her room, do you know you to use one of them?”

I glanced up at him and raised my eyebrows. Carlisle looked at me for a moment before shaking his head. Of course you do, you’ve been to medical school more times than me.

I smiled lightly. We sat quietly for a while, Carlisle looking through a medical journal, trying to find any cases of patients dying from septic shock and being revived. He glanced at his watch finally and sighed.

“It’s time,” he said quietly. I left and headed for Bella’s room while he gathered up his papers. When I walked in, Charlie raised his eyes to look at me. My expression told him that time was up.

Carlisle walked in and sighed. “Usually we call someone from hospice in to wean patients off and I can if that’s what you wish, but I’d much rather do it myself.”

Charlie and Renee agreed. Carlisle asked them if they wanted to call anyone else to come, informed them that as next-of-kin they could give the say so as to who could be present.

They hesitated for a moment and Renee started sobbing. “It’ll just be me,” Charlie said softly. “Edward, too, if he chooses to stay for it.”

I glanced over at Renee, her thoughts telling me that she can’t handle watching. I didn’t blame her one bit. She stood up and leaned down to kiss Bella’s cheek. “Goodbye baby girl,” she whispered through her tears. She smiled sadly at me as she approached to leave, reaching up to pat my cheek. I tried to smile back. “Thank you for loving her,” she said.

“My pleasure,” I said, my voice strained. She hesitated before leaving.

Carlisle handed Charlie the order to withdrawal the ventilator and the do not resuscitate order. He signed them quickly, handing them back. Carlisle paused, taking a deep breath.

“I’m going to withdrawal her nutrition and medication support first,” he said softly. He went to work, unhooking lines. “I’m going to be giving her some morphine also. She won’t feel anything but the morphine will help her breathe easier.”

Carlisle started the morphine drip and we waited for a while for it to start kicking in. After the respiratory therapist arrived, Carlisle started withdrawing the ventilator.

I closed my eyes and sighed as Bella took her first breath on her own. She gasped for air, her first breath shaky. Carlisle turned off the in-room monitors and disconnected her vitals. He leaned down and gently removed the tape from over her eyes.

“Stay strong sweetheart,” he said softly, barely a whisper.

Charlie got up from his seat and walked across the room, leaning against the wall. He was having trouble dealing with the situation. I hesitantly walked over to Bella, gently sitting down on the side of her bed. The respiratory therapist shot me a dirty look, as it wasn’t allowed, but I ignored him. He wouldn’t dare say anything to me out loud. Carlisle excused him, thanking him for his willingness to be present as he removed the ventilator.

Bella’s subsequent breaths were easier, softer, but the rhythm was irregular. She wasn’t going to last long, a few minutes at most. Her heart rate started increasing, but it was weak—so weak.

Carlisle excused himself, his thoughts telling me he was going to go check the monitors in the nurses station. I gazed down at Bella and saw she was starting to struggle, her face a grimace, her throat muscles constricted.

I reached my hand out and pressed it on Bella’s chest, directly over her heart. I felt the buzzing surge through me and took a shaky breath.

'Edward.'

Her voice was there again and soft, breathy.

'I love you.'

“I love you too,” I whispered, so softly Charlie couldn’t hear but I knew that she would—I could feel it. “I know this is hard but you have to fight for me. It’s going to be tempting to let go but you can’t. You need to stay on this side Bella. Your soul can’t leave--we need it here. I can’t lose you.”

Bella’s heart started faltering, losing steam. I kept my hand pressed against her flesh, reveling in her warmth one last time. Her heart thumped loudly a few times before stalling. It gave one last strong beat before stilling completely.

I closed my eyes, pure heartbreak and devastation coursing through me as the electricity from her skin started subsiding.

“Time of death 15:32,” Carlisle said from the doorway. I opened my eyes but refused to move my hand from her. I glanced up at the clock, keeping at eye on the time. “Do you want a few minutes with her?”

Charlie shook his head. “I’ve already said goodbye,” he said quietly, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat, trying to be strong. “Will you… I, uh, hate to ask this of you, you’ve done so much, but do you think you could, uh, take care of things for us? I don’t think I can handle much more.”

Carlisle nodded. “I’ll personally make sure everything is taken care of. She’ll be treated with the utmost respect she deserves.”

“Thank you. Both of you,” Charlie said. He hesitated, staring down at Bella. She looked peaceful now, looked as if she were sleeping.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered. Carlisle nodded in agreement. Charlie turned and left and Carlisle sighed.

It’s been 3 minutes already, you need to hurry. You can do it here, we’ll have a few hours or so before her systems start repairing enough for her to be able to cry out if she feels it, he thought, walking out and closing the door behind him. I jumped up, sprinting over and locking it. I threw open the cabinet, using too much force and accidentally pulled the door off. I grabbed the defibrillator and threw up Bella’s gown, having no time for modesty or decency. I had a feeling she’d forgive me for exposing her.

I placed the small paddles in place and pressed the button, the machine detecting no heartbeat instantly. A jolt of electricity shot through Bella’s body, arching her back slightly with the force. Her heart remained still. Another jolt shot through her after a moment and once again, nothing. I growled, instinctively, completely frustrated. It shocked her again but no response from her body.

“Please Bella, please stay with me. Choose me. I’ll never leave you, so please don’t leave me. I need you!” I said desperately.

Another jolt shot through her, stronger than the last. Bella’s body arched off the table and the machine beeped as it detected a heartbeat. I gasped and removed the paddles.

It was there--it was beating. It was weak and wouldn’t last long on it's own but it was there. I sat the machine off to the side and sat down beside her on the bed. “Thank you,” I said softly, leaning forward and pressing my lips against her forehead. The instant we connected the electricity sparked and I moaned loudly. She was really there.

“My Bella,” I murmured, kissing down her cheek and jaw line. “I love you.” I kissed down her neck and across her collarbones. I paused and looked up, gazing up into her angelic face.

“Forever.”

I leaned down and sunk my teeth into the flesh of her chest, directly over her heart. Bella’s back arched involuntarily and her heart started beating faster as my venom entered her system.