Ch 60 - Good Riddance

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

“Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” – Green Day

Jacob POV

I walked up the steps slowly, taking time to prepare myself. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do this—there seriously had to be something very wrong with me.

There are moments in life that you never forget. Some of them are good—like the time when I got that massive train set from my parents for Christmas. It was the last Christmas before my mom died and I remember her fumbling with the track pieces trying to help me put it together while Dad sat back and laughed at our ridiculous attempt because Mom refused his help. That was just like Mom though, completely stubborn and determined. Some aren’t so good—like the moment when the police officer came knocking on our door and told Dad that there had been an accident, that Mom hadn’t made it. I’ll never forget the look on his face, the horror in his expression. I was still so young that I didn’t quite understand what the cop was telling us, but Dad’s response was enough to frighten me.

A few of my unforgettable moments star Isabella Swan. I’ll never forget that night when I walked onto First Beach and saw all those Forks douche bags. My eyes fell upon Bella and I swear it was love at first sight. I’d seen her before, when we were little kids, but it wasn’t the same. Seeing her on that beach was like getting a glimpse into heaven, seeing an angel. God, I sound like such a damn girl but it’s true. I always knew she was special.

Man, I had such a thing for her but she was obsessed with perfect Edward-fucking-Cullen. After that dickhead bailed on her, she lost it. It was hell, watching Bella fall apart right in front of my eyes. She was too good for that, too good for him. I did everything I could to help her, tried my best to make her smile and laugh and forget.

She was a walking zombie. She’d look right at you but she never really saw you. I made her see me though, I wouldn’t let her drift farther away. If I had any damn thing to do with it, Bella Swan was going to get over that jerk and be happy again. And I thought I was winning. She started hanging out with me more, smiled and laughed. Hell I even had myself fooled into thinking I had a chance. I had no idea that she’d been using me, that she did those things with me as some sort of backward way to remember him.

After I phased that first time and realized that those crazy stories my Dad always rattled on about were true, everything shifted. I was pissed—Man, was I pissed. I was mad at the world, mad at Bella. She knew he was a fucking leech, knew he was dangerous and vile and she still loved him. I couldn’t understand it; it just didn’t make any sense. I yelled at her, railed on her about that bloodsucker and her sheer stupidity. It was like he had a spell on her, some voodoo magic or some shit. I wanted to make her see the light, make her see how crazy she’d been by actually dating that monster, but it backfired.

She stopped smiling again. She stopped laughing. She stopped speaking to me. I tried a few times after that to get her to open up to me, to try to get her through it, to make her see that she was being ridiculous. But she’d closed off and shut down. Even after she realized what I was and why I’d become that way she didn’t respond to me. I’d gotten so damn close.

See, I have this problem. I have this deep desire to save the girl. I mean, I realize now that I really don’t love her romantically but the day I saw her on First Beach something sparked inside of me. I felt protective over her. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to save her from the most, the bloodsucker or herself. But I definitely wanted to save her.

Bella Swan is a lot like my mother. They don’t look alike at all, of course, but there’s something inside of her that faintly reminds me of Mom. I think Dad saw it too… Dad hated bloodsuckers just as much as me but something about Bella made his perception shift a bit. Bella had Mom’s stubbornness, her determination. She has the same dedication, the same loving nature. And Mom was apparently clumsy as shit too.

It was too late to get Mom back, but it hadn’t been too late to save Bella.

And saving her was like a full time job. I remembered her mentioning once how Cullen was always rescuing her. It baffled me at the time, as he was the one I thought she needed rescued from. After everything though, I can understand it now. She was a magnet for all sorts of trouble. Cullen wasn’t even the half of it.

Then she started on the drugs. We’d had our falling out before then and I hadn’t seen much of her, so I had no idea what she’d gotten into. I figured she was off in her zombie mode, doing the same bullshit she had been doing. But then the redhead came into town and we couldn’t figure out what she was playing at. Sam figured since Bella was a leech-lover and all that maybe she’d have some clue and sent me to Charlie’s house to talk to her. Another moment in life I’ll never forget is what I found when I got to Bella’s place.

She was strung out. I didn’t have much experience with drug addicts but I watched a bit of TV. One of Dad’s guilty pleasures is that crazy show Intervention on A&E, and I’ll tell you—that’s exactly what the hell Bella needed. Some intervention.

I don’t know if she was high or withdrawing or what but she was so far gone I doubted she even realized I was there. She couldn’t even hold a conversation with me, kept muttering under her breath about that bloodsucker of hers. She’d lost it and I was pissed. Pissed at her for being so stupid, pissed at Charlie for doing nothing about it. He was a cop, how come he couldn’t tell his own daughter was a drug addict?!

I planned to tell him, too. Someone needed to stop her. I walked in the door from running patrol on the border the next evening, intending to call Charlie’s house, and found Dad on the phone. His expression was grave and startled me. It reminded me faintly of the look he’d had when the cop told him mom died. He hung up and turned to me, frantically telling me that Bella Swan was going to die in about 15 minutes.

I was confused, but of course that natural instinct inside of me to save that damn girl kicked in. He told me she was going to crash her truck on the highway outside of Forks. I had no idea how the hell he knew that at the time but I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the Cullen’s. It wasn’t until later that I learned those leeches had creepy mind reading and psychic abilities.

I phased and ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I heard the crunch of metal and the sickening screams when I was about a mile out. Lauren was already dead when I got there. Bella was unconscious, the flames from the fire burning the flesh on her back. I phased back into human form and yanked her from the truck, probably too hard, and threw her on the ground a few yards away. I jumped on top of her, trying to smother the flames and ended up burning myself. That hurt like hell but it was worth it, because I had saved her. That was also a moment I’ll never forget.

And I was so damn happy that she was getting treatment. I failed in my attempts to get her to get over that bloodsucker and hoped that after everything that had happened she’d finally see the light. The Cullen’s moved back into town, much to our dismay, but Edward wasn’t around. I didn’t know where he was--part of me hoped he was off in one of the pits of hell somewhere burning—but needless to say I was glad he was gone.

But of course shit isn’t always that easy. The very first time I see Bella again she reeks, smells exactly like that bloodsucker. After everything that happened, after every damn thing I did to save her, she runs right back to him. I was infuriated, and it didn’t help matters that he had the nerve to show up. Man, I wanted to rip him to pieces. I’d never hated someone so much in my life.

Then the army of leeches came. I was stoked. I took every ounce of hatred I had for Cullen and projected it onto the others. I was forbidden to lay a hand or a paw on him but I’d sure as shit take it out on his kind. I stood there savagely ripping one of those disgusting creatures apart when Seth called out that there were bloodsuckers at my house.

I was worried about my dad, of course, but that wasn’t what set me off. That damn instinct to save Bella kicked in again. Her bloodsucker seemed to have the same response and bolted in that direction, blatantly violating the treaty and coming onto my property. It took massive balls, I had to give him credit for that. But when we arrived he stopped suddenly, leaving the redhead to me. I saved Bella again, of course, and while I was tearing that bitch apart Cullen swooped in and scooped Bella up and played superhero.

I realized later he’d only stopped because he smelled Bella’s blood. Fucking gag me. Disgusting freak.

I was stoked though, knowing since he violated the treaty that all bets were off and I could finally fight him. But Sam shut that down, forbidding me from it. Sam even allowed him to take Bella away with him, I couldn’t believe it. It was like the entire tribe was turning into leech-lovers.

If life didn’t suck enough, I end up sitting across from her on Thanksgiving, with her smelling like him, only to find out that they’re living together. All I could think about was the possibility of those two sharing a bed together. You couldn’t get any more reckless and dangerous and disgusting than that. He wasn’t even human!! And don’t even get me started on Christmas, when she actually brings the leech along and everyone is all buddy-buddy with him, including my own father who is the one who told me countless times over the years how evil they were. Fraternized with the enemy—give me a fucking break.

So when I was out running the border the night of Christmas Eve and I caught a whiff of Cullen’s scent, I wanted to teach him a lesson. He was always so fucking smug, thinking he was untouchable. He had that cocky attitude when I found him, acting as if he were better than me. A leech, better than me?! I didn’t think so. And when he said I was all bark and no bite, well, that was my breaking point. No fucking leech was going to treat me like I was just some puppy.

So I went after him and I knew it was wrong jumping first but it had been a long time coming. The leech ended up breaking my arm, which hurt like hell by the way. I think it hurt worse healing than it did when he snapped it. But I got a few good shots in… not enough though. If Sam hadn’t showed up when he did, I could’ve really gotten him good. And I wanted to, man I wanted to. I never thought I’d get over that feeling of wanting to tear him apart.

But there are also moments in life, moments where things happen that rock you so hard to the core that your entire perspective shifts. My phasing had been one of those things, I’d never see the world the same again after changing into a wolf. Another moment that seemed to shift my universe happened this morning, when Charlie called the house to inform us that he was having Bella transferred to Forks Hospital, so she could be closer to home when she died.

Died. Dr. Cullen was swearing he’d do everything he could to keep her alive, but the other doctors were already talking about pulling the plug. I knew she was in the hospital, knew she’d been shot, but I guess I simply thought she’d be fine. I busted my ass time and time again to save her from all this supernatural bullshit, but apparently all it takes to take down Bella Swan is one lone human jackass with a pistol.

But, of course, I find myself needing to save her again. I can’t actually do it this time but I can’t just sit back and let her die. I had to do something, say something.

My universe shifted when Charlie said Bella was going to die. My overwhelming need to constantly rescue her overpowered all the hatred I felt for Cullen. I realized then exactly what I had to do. I had to do it for Bella.

I made it to the ICU floor of Forks hospital and stepped out of the stairwell. I made my way down the hallway slowly, pausing in front of the open door at the end.

It was Bella’s room, but the frail human laying in that bed looked nothing like the beautiful girl I’d felt that pull to on First Beach. I had to wonder if maybe the Bella I’d fallen for that day really ever existed… maybe I just wanted her to, projected my fantasies onto her. Maybe I missed my mom so much that I desperately needed someone to fill the void her death left.

I walked forward slowly, grabbing the chair and pushing it to her bedside. The room smelled of vampire but it was the doctor’s scent, no sign of Edward. Bella had only just arrived though, so he may still be on his way from Seattle.

I reached out and grabbed her hand. It was cold—too cold. I sighed.

“Bells, how do you get yourself into this shit?” I asked softly. “I don’t even know if you can hear me but I just wanted to say goodbye. Ya know, I really tried. I did everything I could think of to make you happy but I failed miserably. I’ve got one last idea, and it’s not easy for me. I hope I’m not making a mistake. But it’s my final act and then I’m retiring this superhero shit, hanging up my cape. I’m done with it.”

I sat quietly, holding her hand, waiting on him. I knew he’d come; he wouldn’t stay far from her. And I didn’t have to wait long.

He made no noise, but none of them ever really do. His scent was the only thing that indicated his presence and I wrinkled my nose with disgust immediately. His close proximity made my nose burn.

“Cullen,” I said flatly. I didn’t turn to look at him but tensed up, unsure of how he was going to react to me being here. He was quiet for a moment, the overpowering scent telling me he was still behind me.

“Jacob,” he said softly. I was caught off guard… I expected him to growl, yell, but he didn’t. His voice was low, barely audible, and laced with sadness. I swung my head around to look at him and he was looking past me, staring straight at Bella. He looked horrified.

I realized then that this, too, was a moment I’d never forget. Edward's face mirrored my Dad’s when Dad found out the love of his life was dead. He felt the same devastation my Dad had felt. It never really dawned on me before but he truly loved her. I hadn’t been able to wrap my mind around the fact that bloodsuckers, whom didn’t even have hearts that beat, could actually be capable of pure love. But it was clear now that they were. It was clear as day that he loved Bella just as much as Bella loved him. That he needed her just as much as she needed him. That without her he was going to fall to pieces, just as Bella had fallen to pieces without him.

And here I was, not only trying to save Bella again, but inadvertedly saving my enemy at the same time. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me.

He walked closer after a moment and stopped right beside me. He reached his hand up and pressed it against Bella’s forehead while he gazed down into her face.

“You’re right, I do love her,” he said after a moment. “And I know why you’re here.”

I nodded. I nearly forgot he could read minds but of course he’d pick it from my head before I even gathered up the guts to verbalize it.

“I just ask have to ask one thing,” I said.

“And what’s that?”

“Leave. After all of this is done with, all of you leave. And I don’t want to know what you decide, whether or not you do it.”

“Won’t it be hard, not knowing? Won’t you wonder?”

“No.” I paused, sighing. “My Bella has been dead for awhile—if she even ever existed at all.”

He was quiet but nodded after a moment. “Okay.”

I stood there for a moment, taking her in one last time. “Goodbye, Bells,” I said softly after a moment. I turned and headed for the door when Edward stopped me.

“Jacob,” he said. I turned and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Thank you for always saving her when I couldn’t.”

I sighed. “Yeah,” I mumbled. “I can’t save her now, that's on you."

“I used to always do what I thought was right for her, what was best for her. Turned out I usually had it wrong. I only hope I get it right this time.” He turned his head to look at Bella, putting his back to me. I knew then that the conversation was over. I turned and walked out, passing both Alice and Dr. Cullen on my way. I didn’t look at them or acknowledge them.

I walked out of the hospital and inhaled deeply, reveling in the fact that I couldn’t smell vampire anymore. I hoped to never smell it again, hoped to never encounter another one as long as I lived.