Ch 26 - Believe

And I still believe
That there is more love than hate
There's more heart than ache
And we are stuck in this great big world together
With a little bit of help from up above
And a sprinkling of love
We can break these chains
We will end these days

“Believe” - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

“I have to go to work Edward,” I said, groaning in frustration. He hadn’t left my side all morning, following my every step like a shadow. I won’t deny that it was nice, being in such close proximity to him, but his insistence on babysitting me was grating my nerves.

“Why? If it’s about the money, I have plenty. I can pay the rent and get you whatever you need.” My head snapped in his direction and I narrowed my eyes at him. He noticed my hostile look and tried to backtrack and explain. “I just don’t feel comfortable letting you out of my sight right now Bella. I just… I don’t think it’s safe.”

I groaned again, rolling my eyes. “I appreciate what you’re doing Edward, I really do. But I have a job and it means a lot to me. I just groveled on the phone to be able to keep it, there’s no way I’m skipping work now.”

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Fine,” he said, sounding resigned. I smiled but fought it back quickly, not wanting to look like I was gloating.

After my breakdown last night, Edward held me until I fell asleep. I woke up shortly after dawn to find Edward perched in the corner, glaring out the window. He was lost in thought, his expression glum. I could tell he was on edge, worried.

And he’d been all over me all day long, more protective than I’d ever seen him. I couldn’t figure out why he was so adamant about watching me like a hawk. He used to be content keeping an eye on me from a distance but something had shifted. Something had to have changed. But he denied knowing anything, denied the situation was grave. His actions were telling me otherwise, though.

I called the library first thing this morning and spoke to Margaret. Apparently Denise had figured out what happened to me and explained it to Margaret. She didn’t fire me but was insistent on me taking some time off to recuperate. I was firm in my refusal and she caved, agreeing that I could come back today and work the night shift. I was ecstatic… I knew Margaret was only looking out for me but I needed to work. I needed some normalcy—as much as I could get in my current life.

Edward wasn’t happy, but I was glad he wasn’t going to fight me on it.

I started gathering up my stuff for work. Edward pulled out his phone and dialed someone’s number quickly. He spoke low and fast—my ears couldn’t make out any of his words but his tone was unmistakable. It was frantic.

I sighed loudly, wishing he’d clue me in on what was going on. He hung up quickly and turned to me with a smile. It was partially forced and didn’t reach his eyes. My heartbeat may give me away, but his eyes gave him away. They were concerned, worried.

I glanced up at the clock, realizing I was going to be late if I didn’t hurry. I walked to the bedroom and glanced around, groaning.

“Edward have you seen my phone?” I yelled into the living room where he was. He was completely silent, which spiked my suspicion immediately. I walked into the living room and he was standing there, staring off into space. “Edward?”

“Yeah Bella?”

“Have you seen my phone?” I asked again, cocking an eyebrow at him. The corners of his mouth lifted up slightly and he shook his head. “Damnit Edward I need my phone.”

“Sorry but I told you I didn’t want you using that phone anymore. I discarded it when you took a shower.”

I groaned, rolling my eyes. What was the big deal, it was only a telephone.

I walked to the door and opened in, stepping out into the hallway. I didn’t bother to close it behind me or say goodbye--I knew he would follow.

I huffed when I got down to the lobby and realized it was raining out. I turned to head back upstairs and yelped, startled. Edward stood behind me, holding a black umbrella.

“Thought you might want this,” he said softly. I muttered ‘thanks’ and snatched it from him. I opened it quickly, nearly impaling him with it as it expanded, and quickly walked out the front into the rain.

I was being rude--I knew that. I also knew Edward didn’t deserve it. But I was frustrated and confused, and my anger at the entire situation was being directed at him. He was only trying to help, and although I didn’t understand his motives or what was going on I truly did appreciate it. I just wished it all would stop, wished I didn’t need someone to watch over me. Hell, I wished I knew why I needed protection. Edward knew but was refusing to share that piece of information. Maybe he was afraid of scaring me. Whatever it was, it wasn’t fair and it was all too much for me to deal with.

I walked to the library quickly. I didn’t see Edward anywhere around but I could sense him. He was never too far.

I discarded my umbrella and greeted Margaret. She eyed me warily, obviously wondering if I were okay. Denise had told her I had a breakdown and was hospitalized for a few days for it. They believed it had something to do with my dad’s heart attack, that the strain of going to Forks was too much for me to deal with. They were half right.

I smiled at her and she seemed appeased. I went to work quickly when she left, shelving books and helping patrons—anything to keep my mind occupied.

About two hours into my shift, I was on a stool shelving a book on Greek Mythology when a familiar voice rang out.

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find a book about vampires?”

I swung around quickly, nearly losing my balance. I smiled brightly at the sight in front of me.

Alice was beaming at me, subtly bouncing with excitement.

“Uh, fiction or non-fiction?” I asked.

She feigned confusion, tapping her finger to her forehead pretending to think. “It’s all fiction, isn’t it?”

I laughed and hopped down from the stool. “You never know,” I said with a shrug. Alice laughed and sprung forward, pulling me into a hug.

She let go of me and I walked through the shelves to an isolated part of the library, motioning for her to follow me.

“So what are you doing here Alice? I mean, it’s great to see you but something tells me this isn’t purely a social visit.”

I stopped walking and turned to face her. She nodded and reached into her purse, pulling out an IPhone. She held it out to me and I looked at her questioningly.

“It’s from Edward, he got it for you. It’s got a new number so you’ll have to let your friends know your numbers changed.”

I took the phone and looked at it suspiciously. “Why didn’t he bring it to me?”

“Do you really have to ask that Bella?” I sighed. I’d been so impolite to him that he wouldn’t even come into the library and see me.

“I guess not,” I muttered. She laughed lightly, shaking her head.

“I don’t know about you two,” she said. “Look I’m not going to defend Edward, he knows how I feel about some of his decisions. But he really does mean well, even if he goes about things wrong sometimes. I’m not going to tell you what to do Bella, but if you want my opinion I think you should cut him a little bit of slack. He’s really trying.”

I nodded, understanding. We were quiet for a moment, Alice watching me intently obviously wanting to see if her words were clicking with me. I cleared my throat finally and turned to her with a smile.

“We do have non-fictions books pertaining to vampirism. I read one that said you couldn’t enter my house without permission. What’s up with that?”

She laughed loudly. “People used to have their homes blessed by priests and were under the impression that because they were sacred evil couldn’t cross over the threshold without permission. It was a good theory, but unfortunately for them vampires as a whole aren’t forsaken by God. Edward seems to disagree though, considering he doesn’t think we have souls, so if you have a priest bless your apartment he might not try to enter.”

I snorted at the mental image and shook my head. “It would be useless, I’d end up inviting him in anyway.”

Alice smiled. “Yeah, you would.”

Someone called my name and I groaned. “I’ve gotta get back to work.”

She nodded. “I’ll be hanging around the area for the rest of your shift and walking you home. I can make myself scarce if you prefer, you won’t even know I’m there.”

I looked at her, surprised. “Where’s Edward?”

“He went to go see Carlisle,” she said with a shrug. I could tell by her expression that there was more to it than that, but didn’t question her. I knew it was useless--she wouldn’t spill.

Alice left and I worked out the rest of my shift. I helped close up the library and walked outside. It was dark out but thankfully had stopped raining. The streets were deserted.

“Alice?” I said timidly. A form popped around the corner immediately and I jumped.

“Sorry,” Alice said. I smiled and waved her off. I was always jumpy, it was nothing new. It would take me awhile to get used to their sudden appearances again.

Alice walked me home, both of us completely silent but it was nice being in her company. We were comfortable together, no awkwardness.

We arrived at my building and Alice stopped abruptly at the front door. “You coming up?” I asked.

She shook her head no, smiling.

“Ten…Nine…Eight…Seven…Six…Five…Four…Three…Two…One…”

As soon as Alice hit ‘one’, I saw the headlights as a car sped around the corner. They slammed on the brakes and fluidly swung into a parking spot across the street.

I chuckled, immediately recognizing the silver Volvo. Edward got out and quickly sprinted across the street towards us. He paused a few feet away, looking at Alice. He nodded slightly at her and I realized they must have been having a silent conversation. I rolled my eyes—I hated being out of the loop.

Alice smiled at me. “I’ve gotta get going Bella, I’ll see you later.” She pulled me into a quick hug and left abruptly before I could even respond.

“Okay,” I muttered to myself, slightly stunned. I turned to walk into the lobby and glanced behind me to see Edward standing still, not moving from the sidewalk. “Are you coming up?” I asked.

Edward’s eyes widened, appearing surprised. “Uh, if you want me to. I wasn’t sure…” he trailed off.

I smiled and nodded. Edward followed me inside and up the stairs to the apartment. I kicked my shoes off and went into the kitchen to grab something to drink. I heard my TV turn on and the channels flip past quickly until it settled on a news program.

I walked back into the living room and smiled. Edward was sitting on my couch, his hands clutching his hair as he stared at the TV. He appeared flustered but looked so adorable at the same time. I sat down on the couch beside him and he glanced at me quickly, smiling. I felt my heart rate accelerate at the sight of his crooked grin and he chuckled, obviously hearing it.

I turned to the TV, slightly embarrassed. We were quiet for a while as Edward intently watched the local headlines.

“How can you watch this, it’s too depressing,” I muttered. Seattle was dangerous, full of crime. Report after report of murders, missing people, and home invasions every night.

“It’s important,” he said simply. I sighed and stood up, walking back to the kitchen to make something to eat. I threw a frozen dinner in the microwave and turned it on. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward standing in the doorway watching me.

I pulled the dinner out when the microwave went off and stirred the pasta up. Edward took a few steps closer, his eyebrows scrunched up.

“That looks appalling,” he said. I chuckled and shrugged.

“Yeah well, not everything can be as appetizing as mountain lions.”