Ch 18 - Leave Out All the Rest

Don't be afraid
I've taking my beating
I've shared what I've been
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

“Leave Out All The Rest” - Linkin Park

I clutched the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles bright white and painful. My emotions were teetering somewhere between frightened and excited. I was now the proud owner of a brand new blue Honda Accord. Well technically I didn’t own it yet. I still had 36 payments of $600 to make before it was officially mine.

None-the-less, it was mine in the sense that I was supposed to be driving it off the lot at that exact moment, but instead I was nearly having a panic attack and unable to even put the key in the ignition.

I jumped when someone knocked on the passenger side window. I looked over to see Denise standing there, frowning. I leaned over and unlocked the door and she climbed in.

“I thought you already left,” I mumbled. She sighed.

“Of course not. I knew it would be hard for you at first so I couldn’t just leave.”

I nodded. “I just… I know it’s stupid, considering I drove your car this morning to retake my drivers test but it feels different now.”

“Yeah. It’s because you own the car and can leave here and take it anywhere alone. So, what we’re going to do is go for a ride together until you get comfortable in it.”

After a bit more coaxing from Denise, I started the car and pulled off the lot into traffic. She turned the radio on and I drove aimlessly around the city of Seattle. We chatted and laughed, driving past some of Seattle’s biggest tourist attractions and just taking in the views. Three hours later, I pulled back onto the lot and smiled.

“Thank you,” I said. I felt more comfortable and better about the entire thing. She smiled.

“Anytime.” She got out and hopped into her car. I pulled back off the lot and headed home. I locked the car up when I got there and went inside, grabbing my mail as usual.

I flipped through the envelopes and spotted one from Renee. I had just mailed a letter off yesterday to her, so I knew she hadn’t gotten it yet. I opened it as I walked up the stairs, pulling out a piece of paper. I unfolded it and read it quickly, freezing in front of my apartment door.

It was short and to the point.

Bella,

I got a call a few hours ago that Charlie had a heart attack. It was apparently mild and he’s acting like its no big deal, you know how your dad is. I thought you’d want to know.

Mom

I glanced at the envelope and saw she had mailed it two days ago. I unlocked my apartment door and went inside. I tossed the mail down and sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I was worried but I didn’t know what I could do to help him. I grabbed my phone and dialed Denise’s number. She picked up quickly.

“My dad had a heart attack,” I said softly.

“Oh wow, I am so sorry Isabella,” she said. “I hope he’s okay. And don’t worry about tomorrow night, I’ll find someone else to go with me.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion at her train of thought. “What do you mean? I can still go tomorrow night.” She had tickets to a big art exhibit tomorrow night and had asked me to go with her.

“You’ll be back by then? I guess I assumed you’d want to spend a few days there.”

I was confused at first and then her words struck me. She figured I’d be with my dad. “Oh, I’m… uh… not going, I don’t think.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you’re going. We’re talking about your father, Isabella. He had a heart attack. You need to go see him.”

I sighed. “But…”

“No but’s,” she said quickly, cutting me off. “If I have to drive over there myself and pack you I will. Throw some clothes in a bag and get going. Call me when you get there.”

She hung up and I sat still for a moment, stunned. I could tell by the tone of her voice she meant business and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d be perched outside my building, watching to make sure I listened. I walked into the bedroom and grabbed some clothes, throwing them in a bag. I grabbed some other essentials and left the apartment, locking it behind me. I walked down to my car and hopped in, taking a deep breath.

I started it up and headed onto US-101 towards Forks. I had a panic attack about an hour into the drive when I realized it was the same road the accident had occurred on and had to pull over to compose myself. After I was calmed down and was breathing normally again, I got back on the road.

It was after 10pm when I entered the Forks City Limits. I was happy my car was unrecognizable and that it was dark, so anyone out this late wouldn’t know it was me. I knew how some people around here felt and hadn’t returned to stir anything up.

I drove past Charlie’s house, parking across the street from it. The cruiser was in the driveway, but all the lights in the house were off. It was too late to knock, if Charlie had been discharged he’d be resting and I didn’t want to disturb him. I noticed the porch light was off and Charlie had always turned it on before bed. I knew it was possible he’d just changed his habits, but if I knew Charlie like I thought I did he wouldn’t change his routine regardless of what condition his health was in. More than likely, he hadn’t been home.

I knew there was a chance he’d gone to La Push but most likely he was still in the hospital. I pulled out my cell phone and called 411, asking for Forks Hospital. They connected me and I inquired as to whether or not Charles Swan was still a patient. They were wary of telling me, even after I informed them that I was family. She put me on hold to consult someone and eventually came back to tell me that he hadn’t been discharged yet and that he was in room 211… I thanked her and hung up.

I drove to the hospital. I knew it was after visiting hours but didn’t know what else to do. I parked the car in the visitors lot and went inside quickly. I used the stairs instead of the elevator and slipped onto the second floor quietly. I didn’t see anyone in the halls thankfully and walked to room 211.

The room was dark… I opened the door a crack, peeking in. I could make out Charlie lying on the bed and could hear a machine dripping and beeping. He looked so weak and vulnerable, not like the Charlie I remembered.

I sighed, contemplating what to do. If I stayed I’d likely get caught and didn’t want to cause a scene. Plus, I had to consider the fact that Charlie may not want to see me or have anything to do with me, and my presence may just hurt him. But I knew if I turned around now and left, I wouldn’t be able to gather up the courage to come back.

“Visiting hours are over,” a voice said softly behind me. I jumped and the door to Charlie’s room closed. I swung around, my heart beating rapidly in panic and gasped at the sight in front of me.

“Carlisle?!!” I asked, incredulously. I furrowed my brow in confusion. He was wearing a white lab coat and had a hospital badge hooked to it, indicating he was employed here. “What… Why…” I shook my head, trying to sort things out.

He smiled. “It’s nice to see you Bella. Perhaps we should go to my office and talk and get out of the hallway before one of the nurses comes by.”

I nodded and followed him down the hallway. He opened a door and motioned for me to enter. I sat down in a chair inside as he flicked on the lights. He shut the door and sat down across from me, behind his desk.

“Charlie’s doing okay, he should be discharged tomorrow if all goes well.” I nodded. “I know you’re surprised to see me, but I can’t say the same as Alice called me a few minutes ago and told me you were on your way.”

“I thought you guys were long gone, I didn’t know you were back.”

“Didn’t you?” he asked, smiling. “I figured you would’ve realized we were at least in the area. Esme wouldn’t have let Edward wander too far from the family.”

I didn’t respond, not knowing what to say about Edward. I was utterly confused by his appearance at the fireworks and his abrupt departure. My father was the reason I was in Forks, not to deal with Edward. We were quiet for a moment before Carlisle cleared his throat. “You really are looking great Bella.”

“I bet I look a million times better than I did in the hospital in Seattle when you came to check on me last year.”

Carlisle’s smile faltered briefly—he looked surprised. “I didn’t know you knew.”

I laughed. “I heard some nurses gushing about the gorgeous Dr. Cullen that came to check on crazy ol’ me.”

He laughed lightly, shaking his head. “They claimed you were so far catatonic that you weren’t processing sounds or sights, but I knew better. Edward said every time he walked in your room there was recognition in your eyes so you were at least somewhat lucid.”

“Edward was there?” I asked, shocked. He nodded.

“He was there before you were… he knew where they’d be taking you.” I stared at him in shock for a moment before pieces started coming together. I started laughing, unable to control myself. Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at me, wondering what had me laughing.

“I guess I’m not as crazy as even I thought I was. I remember seeing him a few times at the hospital but chalked them up to hallucinations. I was off the drugs at the time so I was confused as to why I was still hallucinating that Edward was there. I figured I’d truly lost it then.”

Carlisle wasn’t as amused by my realization as I had been. He was frowning.

“You had hallucinations about Edward while doing the drugs?” he asked, his voice serious.

“Why else do you think I’d do them Carlisle?”

He sighed, closing his eyes. “I didn’t know why you did them, Bella. Edward likely knows more than the rest of us but he doesn’t share more than necessary. I just knew you started voluntarily taking them after Tyler drugged you.”

I looked at him in shock. “How did you know Tyler…?” I started, but trailed off. It was fruitless to expect them to miss anything. They had a mind reader and a psychic in the family… not much escaped their notice. “Never mind, stupid question.”

He smiled lightly. “We didn’t know it was happening when it was. In fact, we knew nothing about any of it until it was too late. Edward had forbidden Alice to actively search out your future and he wasn’t near Forks to see you or hear anyone’s thoughts about your behavior. Had I have known, I would’ve stepped in immediately. Any of us would’ve.”

I scoffed. “How did you find out, then?”

“Alice didn’t seek anything out, but some things she couldn’t block. Some things come through on their own, without her doing anything. And about 15 minutes before you lost control of the truck, she saw it. She tried to call your cell phone to tell you to pull over before the drugs kicked in but you didn’t answer.” He paused and cleared his throat, obviously hesitating. “Alice saw you burn to death. We were too far out to get there in time to stop it. So I called the only person I knew of that would believe us and would just go and do what needed to be done.”

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Billy Black.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “Billy?”

He smiled. “I know you’re aware of their transformation abilities and the treaty they have with us. I called Billy and told him what I knew and he sent Jacob out, no questions asked. The moment I hung up the phone the future shifted and you survived. Jacob made it to you just in time to pull you out. Edward left and went straight to the hospital when informed of your survival… before that he’d been frantic, his future shifting so much Alice couldn’t keep up with him. He didn’t know what he’d do if you died. It was quite agonizing.”

I sat quietly, trying to process the information. It was always a mystery as to how I survived… I didn’t know, nor did the authorities. I should’ve died. I was found outside of the truck, a few yards from the burning vehicle, but there had been no signs indicating I’d been thrown from it. I was in no shape to walk away from the vehicle myself, with the injuries I had suffered. The only explanation was that someone had pulled me from it, but there were no signs of anyone at the scene. Everyone was baffled.

Of course, from what I had remembered about the accident and my knowledge of the outside world, I’d always figured I survived thanks to something supernatural. I honestly banked on it being a Cullen but I guess I had been half right. The Cullen’s had saved me, but it was technically Jacob that had rescued me. Jake had never stopped trying to save me. I owed him a lot. We had a falling out but I never doubted he cared about me.

“Thank you,” I said after a moment. He nodded in acknowledgment. “So how long have you guys actually been back in town?”

He sighed. “About six months. We were going to move back right after the accident but Alice said we needed to wait a few months. The town was still reeling from what happened and she saw that a few people wouldn’t be very receptive to our return. They needed to process things because some of the blame in town trickled down to Edward.”

“Because Charlie blamed him,” I said. Carlisle nodded.

“Charlie still blames him. He was cordial to us when we moved back to town but snapped the first time he saw Edward. Edward tends to stay out of Forks as much as possible now, spends most of his time in Seattle.”

I opened my mouth to speak but an involuntary yawn took over. Carlisle glanced at the clock and smiled. “You must be exhausted, it’s getting late. Would you like to come back to the house and sleep for awhile?”