Ch 39 - The Scientist

I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start.
Running in circles, chasing tails,
And coming back as we are.

“The Scientist” - Coldplay

“I could eat a salad,” I said nonchalantly, stretching. The stitches in my back pulled and I groaned.

“I can go buy you one quickly,” Edward offered, pulling his keys out of his pocket and standing up.

“It’s fine. We have to meet Carlisle soon anyway so we can just stop at the store afterwards and get the stuff.” Edward shrugged, not arguing, and put the keys back in his pocket.

We’d been in Forks for a total of ten days now. I spent the time locked away in the Cullen house, not venturing off of their property. I wanted to go see Charlie again but was slightly afraid to, not wanting to ignite another fight. The last thing I wanted was an argument to spoil the good mood I’d found myself in.

The past few days have been fantastic. Edward and I spent a lot of time locked away together. His physical affection hasn’t wavered a bit and it was complete bliss, kissing him and being in his arms. I spent my fair share of time with Alice also, doing girly things like shopping and watching chick flicks. It felt so ordinary, and for the first time in a long time I was starting to feel truly normal again.

Alice was definitely hiding something, I was sure of it now. The looks she’d give me raised red flags. A few days ago it seemed Edward finally figured her out and he didn’t seem very happy about it. The looks he shot her made me want to run away in fear, but she didn’t seem too concerned. They’d get into whispered arguments and I’d occasionally hear Edward say things like “impossible” and “ridiculous”. But Alice held firm, the smile on her face never leaving, and no matter how much Edward tried to refute whatever it was, she merely nodded and continued to smile.

It seemed the rest of the family were clued into it also, I guess based upon the whispered arguments that were too low for my ears to comprehend. Emmett found whatever it was highly amusing, enjoying Edward’s reaction. Rose even smiled about it, but her smile wasn’t from joy. She seemed smug, amused in a sinister way. Carlisle appeared concerned, as did Esme but I’d occasionally catch a random smile spread across her face when she was lost in thought. Jasper didn’t seem to have an opinion on it, but I imagine since everyone else knew he did also.

I couldn’t figure out what was going on and no one was willing to clue me in. It was irritating, being left in the dark again, but Edward merely told me not to worry about it, it was simply Alice being Alice. It seemed more than that, with the way everyone was reacting about it, but I tried to shrug it off. Whatever it was seemed to center around my birthday and that concerned me a bit. Alice assured me there would be no party. I was worried she’d be hurt and argue, when I approached her and told her I wanted to spend my birthday alone with Edward, but she surprised me by smiling brightly and nodding as if she expected it.

None of it was making any sense. I couldn’t think of any decisions I’d made that would cause Alice to have an unwavering vision. My feelings and beliefs and desires have remained constant, so it had to be something on Edwards end. But with Edward’s adamant refusal, it simply wasn’t adding up.

None-the-less, it appeared that the future wasn’t shifting from whatever path Alice saw it heading, regardless of what Edward had to say about it.

Edward glanced at the clock after a while and pulled his keys back out. “Let’s head to the hospital,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I agreed and took his hand, allowing him to lead me out to the Volvo. We climbed in and he started it up, pulling out onto the road quickly.

“I think I need to be getting back to Seattle soon,” I said nonchalantly during the drive. Edward glanced at me from the corner of his eye, nodding stiffly.

“Okay, just let me know when and I’ll take you.”

The atmosphere was slightly tense after that, as it usually was when I spoke about going home. I figured Edward simply didn’t like leaving his family so I didn’t question him about it. Edward was free to do what he wanted—I desperately wanted him to stay with me in Seattle, but I wouldn’t try to force him to.

We arrived at the hospital and Edward helped me out of the car and inside. We went straight up to Carlisle office, where he was waiting for us. He led me into an empty room and pulled out some supplies.

“Go ahead and take your shirt off Bella,” he said. I nodded and pulled it off quickly. Edward groaned loudly. I turned my head to see him facing the wall, but his eyes kept shifting my direction, glancing at my back. I felt slightly embarrassed—I was covered, since I had a bra on, so it wasn’t as if I were indecent. He seemed pained about something, looking at my back, and I was growing uncomfortable. I knew how my back looked, with the scars from the fire. Edward had never actually personally seen it before and I realized he must be disgusted by the way it looked. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I fought them back, not wanting to cry. I closed my eyes and turned my head while Carlisle went to work on my back, removing the stitches. It didn’t take him long and I barely felt any of it. After he was finished I turned and saw Edward still wasn’t looking at me. I slipped my shirt back on, thanked Carlisle quickly and headed out of the room immediately. I nearly sprinted down the stairwell but Edward caught up to me quickly, grabbing my arm.

“Bella? What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding frantic. He looked in my face and gasped. “Why are you crying?”

I glanced up at him and saw the concern evident on his face. I felt the warm salty tears flowing down my cheeks and mentally scolded myself for being so weak.

“You don’t have to pretend Edward, I know it disgusted you,” I said softly, my voice cracking.

“What are you talking about?”

“My scars! You couldn’t even look at them.” I turned to continuing walking when he stopped me again.

“Don’t be absurd, I don’t care about your scars. I’ve never seen you without your shirt on Bella, it was rude to look,” he said incredulously. I glanced at him quickly, suspiciously. He seemed genuine, his expression soft but serious.

He sighed after a moment, reaching and grabbing my hand. “Come on, let’s go get you a salad,” he said simply.

I hesitantly let him pull me along, feeling slightly ridiculous for overreacting. It was evident I still had issues I needed to work through but I tried not to think about that. I tried not to think about therapy and all that it entailed, because it only reminded me of Dr. Nelson and his death. I didn’t matter how many times Edward swore it wasn’t my fault, I felt guilty.

We got into the Volvo and Edward pulled out onto the road. He swung into the parking lot for Thrifty Way and parked. I glanced around nervously at the other cars. The store was slightly packed which had me anxious. “I can just run in,” Edward said softly, noticing my hesitation. “You can wait here, it’ll only take a minute.”

I considered it for a moment, but shook my head. I couldn’t be a coward, I needed to stand up and accept the consequences. I couldn’t live in my own little bubble and pretend I was healing. Healing meant facing things head on and not being evasive. Whatever looks I received and whatever whispers I heard were deserved and I needed to deal with them.

I didn’t speak. I opened up the door and stepped out. Edward was at my side instantly, grabbing my hand to intertwine our fingers. I was nervous, frightened even. Edward squeezed my hand and gave me his signature crooked grin, making me feel slightly more empowered. He was there for me, he wasn’t leaving my side.

I kept my head down, eyes on the ground as we headed for the entrance. Mrs. Cope, the secretary from Forks High, was coming out as we were walking in and Edward greeted her in his most charming voice, obviously deflecting attention off of me. I grabbed a basket and we headed directly for the produce section. I threw tomatoes and lettuce and cucumbers and carrots into the basket.

“Bacon bits?” Edward asked, holding up a small can of crumbled up reddish pieces. I scrunched my nose up and shook my head.

“It’s not even really bacon Edward, its all processed crap,” I said. He chuckled, putting them back down.

“Bella, all of your food is crap.”

I narrowed my eyes at him playfully and stuck my tongue out. He laughed loudly, shaking his head. He tossed a bag of croutons in my direction and they landed directly in the basket.

“Nice aim,” I muttered, grabbing them from the basket. I read the package and groaned, putting them back on the shelf and instead grabbing the package beside them.

“What was that for?” he asked, watching me curiously.

“You gave me onion flavored croutons, I don’t like them. I want garlic.”

He chuckled, shaking his head again.

“Do you have any eggs at your house?” I asked him seriously but started laughing immediately at the ridiculousness of my question—as if he’d know what food Esme had in the kitchen. The look of disbelief that crossed his face made me laugh even harder.

“I’m sure we do, we can always just go grab an egg from one of those chickens we have on our make belief farm you suggested we purchase.” Edward walked over and picked up a carton of eggs and turned, pulling his arm back and motioning as if he were going to throw them at the basket.

My eyes widened and I nearly yelled at him, but he started laughing. He walked over and gently placed them in the basket. “I’m not that stupid, Bella. Is this everything?”

“Nope, I still need salad dressing.”

We walked to the aisle and Edward started picking up bottles, reading the labels. “Did you know they don’t have French dressing in France, nor do they have Italian dressing in Italy?”

I grabbed the fat free ranch and laughed at Edward’s random trivia. “Yeah, well, they don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo in Mexico.”

Edward laughed loudly, drawing the attention of people around us. He stifled his laughter quickly, looking around. “That was random,” he muttered. I shrugged, laughing lightly.

Edward’s carefree attitude, which had successfully made me forget all about where we were or what we were doing, dissipated quickly. His chuckling ended abruptly, his smile turning into a grimace. His eyes narrowed slightly as he tensed up—he was growing angry.

I heard noise behind us and turned around, my eyes widening. A few feet away from me stood a woman I recognized immediately. She was in her late 40’s but she was beautiful—too beautiful—likely the product of some cosmetic medical intervention. Her long blonde hair was bleached almost white. Her crystal blue eyes were full of fire, rage, and they glaring directly at me.

“Bella,” she said coldly. I nodded in acknowledgement.

“Hello Mrs. Mallory,” I said timidly.

“I wasn’t aware that you’d been freed,” she said. I nodded, unsure of what to say. The air was thick with tension

“Yes, Bella and I have been living in Seattle for awhile now,” Edward chimed in with, plastering a smile on his face and turning to face Mrs. Mallory.

She glared at Edward for a moment before turning back to me. “Well isn’t that nice. I’m glad you and your boyfriend are happy Bella. It’s a shame Lauren and hers weren’t so lucky, huh?”

Her words stung me at first, startled me. She started walking away and I sighed. “Yeah, it is a shame.”

Edward grabbed my hand, taking the basket from me and leading me to the register. I remained silent and Edward put all of my stuff up on the conveyer belt and pulled out his credit card to pay for it.

We got out to the car and Edward put the bags in the back while I slipped in the passenger seat. Edward got in and started the car up, heading toward the house.

“You okay, love?” he asked softly. I nodded, smiling at him.

“Just hurts a bit. I feel bad.”

He smiled sadly. “I understand.”

“Do you?”

Edward sighed loudly, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t even want to get into how many human lives I ended Bella. But yes, I too have taken the life of someone’s child.”

We were both quiet the rest of the drive back. The house was deserted when we arrived. Edward and I went into the kitchen and he attempted to help me make a salad—it was amusing watching him attempt to boil eggs.

I sat down to eat and Edward sat across from me, lounging back in the chair.

“How’s tomorrow sound?” I asked after a moment.

“For what?” he asked nonchalantly.

“Going back to Seattle.”

He grew oddly still but nodded eventually. “I can drop you off in the morning,” he said quietly. He got up immediately and walked out, heading upstairs.

I was slightly caught off guard, suddenly feeling uneasy. I got up and dumped my salad in the trashcan and rinsed my bowl out quickly. I headed upstairs into Edward’s bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, facing away from me and gazing out of the window. He didn’t speak when I entered, didn’t even look at me.

I slipped into his bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I drew a hot bubble bath, so hot it steamed up the entire bathroom. I shut the water off after the tub was filled and took my clothes off quickly, dropping them onto his floor. I sat on the edge of the tub and hesitantly dipped my feet in. I hissed as they were submerged, the heat seeping into my skin. I eased myself down and lay back. I was submerged up to the neck, completely shrouded in bubbles.

I was confused by the way Edward was acting. His words a few minutes ago hurt a bit. He said he could drop me off in the morning… I knew there was a chance that Edward wouldn’t want to come back with me, but the way he said it made me feel like a burden.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. It was a taxing day. First the situation at the hospital, then the run in with Lauren’s mom and now the knowledge that Edward didn’t intend to come back to Seattle with me left me mentally exhausted.

I forced myself out of the tub when the water cooled. I wrapped a towel around me and opened the door cautiously. Edward was gone from the bedroom so I stepped out. I scrounged around the room until I found some clean clothes that would fit me—we’d come to Forks so abruptly that I never got to pack anything and have been getting by on what the Cullen’s had at the house. I pulled on one of Edward gray t-shirts and a pair of black yoga pants.

I slowly walked down the steps and spotted Alice and Esme in the living room, chatting. They smiled at me and Alice patted the seat beside her, motioned for me to join them.

“So Edward said you’re heading back to Seattle tomorrow?” Esme said. I smiled lightly and nodded.

“It’s been great here but I need to get back to work and my apartment. I left kind of abruptly,” I said with a shrug. Esme smiled and nodded.

“I completely understand. I just hope you and Edward visit often,” she said.

“Well, uh, I don’t think Edward’s planning on going with me.”

Alice and Esme both froze, exchanging a glance.

“What do you mean? Of course he intends to go with you,” Esme said with confusion. I shrugged.

“Every time I mention Seattle he gets all tense and doesn’t talk to me, and earlier I mentioned wanting to go home tomorrow and he said he’d be able to drop me off there in the morning. I figured that meant he wasn’t staying.”

Esme looked baffled, whereas Alice looked mad. She groaned, rolling her eyes.

“That boy,” she mumbled. “You just wait until he gets back here.”

I furrowed my brow, glancing around. “Where’d he go anyway?”

“Hunting with Jasper. They shouldn’t be gone long, an hour maybe.”

I nodded. Alice turned the TV on to some trashy Lifetime movie and stood up. She walked behind where I sat and started running her fingers through my hair. I moaned at the feeling and leaned back, melting into the cushion.

An hour later, almost to the minute, Jasper and Edward came in the back door. Jasper immediately went to Alice and pulled her into a hug, twirling her around. Edward stood across the room and smiled at me.

“Edward Cullen,” Alice spat as Jasper put her down. He looked taken off guard and looked at her, wide eyed. “Why are you letting Bella think that you don’t want to go to Seattle with her?”

I felt my cheeks redden with embarrassment. I put my head down and cradled it in my hands, groaning.

“I, uh…” Edward started. “I didn’t think she wanted me to go with her.”

My head shot up as my eyes met his. He looked just as confused as me. Alice groaned.

“You two need to learn how to communicate,” she grumbled. “Seriously. Bella, Edward wants nothing more than to go stay with you in Seattle. Edward, Bella is devastated by the idea of you not staying with her in Seattle. So, there. You’re both going to Seattle to be together because that’s exactly where you both want to be. Are we clear?”

I nodded and Edward mumbled ‘yes’. Alice smiled brightly, obviously proud of herself, and bounded out of the room quickly.

“I guess that’s settled,” I mumbled. Edward chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

“I guess so.”