Ch 38 - Wake Me Up When September Ends

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

“Wake Me Up When September Ends” – Green Day

I winced, pain radiating down my spine. It hurt to breathe, my chest aching. I peeked my eyes open and glanced around, confused. The room was dark and it took me a moment to realize I was in Edward’s bedroom, lying on his bed.

I tried to think back quickly, tried to remember how I’d gotten here. I recalled being at Billy’s, waiting with him. I remembered Victoria showing up and Seth attacking the vampire she was with… I made Billy hide and took off running—had he survived?! I couldn’t recall seeing him after that. And Victoria had chased me; I faintly remembered her hitting me. There was blood, I think there was a lot of it—I could smell it. How badly had she hurt me? Edward appeared and picked me up. Oh god the blood—how had he done it?! I had been bleeding. And Jake was there—Jake had attacked Victoria and saved me again.

That was all I could remember, everything after that blank. How had I gotten to the Cullen’s house? Was everything okay--was everyone safe? What happened to Victoria, was she still alive?

I tried to push myself up and cried out as pain shot through my back. There was a tugging on my arm, slightly painful. I glanced over and saw a needle poking into my skin—an IV. I furrowed my brow in confusion, glaring at it.

“I had to give you a transfusion,” Carlisle’s voice said from the doorway. I tried to turn to glance at him and cried out from the pain again. “Relax Bella.”

Carlisle was at my side instantly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He had a cotton ball and Band-Aid in his hand. He pulled the IV out quickly, painlessly and placed a bandage over the spot.

“What happened to me? Am I okay? Where’s Edward, is he okay?” I asked frantically, confused.

Carlisle smiled. “You’ve got a laceration on your back. I cleaned it up and gave you a few stitches; they’ll come out in 7-10 days. You’ve also got a few bruised ribs and some minor bruising and cuts; you may ache for a while but you’ll heal completely. As for Edward, he’s physically fine, a little upset that I kicked him out of the room while I gave you the transfusion. He wanted to be here when you woke up, so you can imagine how upset he is right now, knowing you’re awake. He’s pacing outside and grumbling.”

I smiled lightly and nodded—that sounded like Edward.

“I’ll get you something for the pain,” Carlisle said, placing his hand overtop of mine, and smiling. I nodded and thanked him. He got up and walked out—the moment he exited the doorway Edward flew inside, looking panicked.

“Bella, are you okay?”

I smiled at him as he sat down beside me on the bed. He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers, looking extremely worried.

“I’m fine. How are you?”

He smiled. “Better now that you’re awake.”

He lay down on the bed, facing me. I rolled onto my side, winching as the stitching in my back was tugged. Edward looked concerned but I waved him off—I’ve felt a lot worse before.

He hesitated briefly, obviously debating something. He reached out after a moment, slowly, and brought his hand to my chest. He was being careful and cautious as his hand came to rest over my sternum. The coldness of his skin filtered through the shirt after a moment, calming the ache that was radiating from my ribs.

“That feels good,” I said softly, closing my eyes. He continued to hold his hand there, soothing me. “Can you do it under the shirt?”

Edward didn’t move an inch and I peeked my eyes open after a moment. He was staring at me wide eyed, seeming to be caught off guard. I furrowed my brow.

“Are you… sure?” he said after a moment. I nodded, slightly confused while he hesitated, pulling his hand away. It dawned on me what I asked and I chuckled lightly—Edward was nervous to be putting his hand under my shirt, even if the intention was innocent.

He pulled the shirt up some, exposing my stomach, and slid his hand underneath. He was holding his breath and being overly cautious, obviously making an effort not to touch or expose my breasts. He placed his hand over my sternum and I sighed contently, closing my eyes again. The skin-to-skin contact soothed the ache infinitely better than it had over the shirt.

We lay like that for a while, neither of us moving or speaking. It was completely innocent but oddly an intimate moment.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway a few minutes later and Edward pulled away from me, sitting up. Carlisle walked in and held a pill and glass of water out to me. I pulled myself up into sitting position and groaned at the pain. I took the pill with a smile, washing it down with a sip from the glass. Carlisle smiled and sat the glass on the table beside the bed, retreating from the room quickly and closing the door behind him.

I lay back down and Edward took his place beside me, once again placing his hand on my chest—this time without me having to ask. It didn’t take long for the drugs to kick in and me to fall into a deep sleep.

I woke up hours later with a pounding headache. I forced my eyes open and glanced around, noticing the daylight. Edward smiled at me when he noticed I was awake.

“How long did I sleep?” I asked, forcing myself into a sitting position. I felt dizzy, weak.

“Total? 15 hours or so.”

I gasped loudly, slightly stunned. I desperately had to pee and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, forcing myself up. Edward was at my side instantly, grabbing my arm to stabilize me.

“You should rest Bella,” he said, his voice laced with concern.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I said simply, taking a few steps. Edward hesitantly let me go. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. I took care of business quickly and walked to the sink to wash my hands. I groaned as I looked in the mirror. I was pale and looked drained, my hair sticking up everywhere. I splashed water on my face and tried to smooth down my mane as much as I could.

“Can we go downstairs or something?” I asked as I exited the bathroom. As much as I loved Edward’s room I desperately needed a change of scenery. He hesitated but nodded, taking my hand and helping me out of the room. I was sore but thankfully the pain was dulling.

We sat down on the couch in the living room and Edward turned on the TV, flipping through channels before coming to a stop on a rerun of Gilmore Girls.

I furrowed my brow and chuckled. It was one of the few TV shows I watched but I didn’t take Edward for a fan of it. “What, we’re not watching news?” I said playfully.

Edward smiled lightly, shaking his head. “No need to right now,” he said with a shrug. I grew quiet as his words sunk in.

“So she’s really gone?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded.

“I personally watched as every last bit of her burned to ash,” he said coldly. I shivered involuntarily at his tone and he looked apologetic. “We got them all, there were 21 or so total. It was pretty chaotic, it all happened quite fast.”

I nodded in understanding. “And Dr. Nelson?” I asked hesitantly, unsure if I wanted to know the answer. Edward sighed.

“They identified his body last night, located it in Seattle,” he said, his voice low. I didn’t respond, unsure of what to say. I felt guilt and dread wash through me. Dr. Nelson was dead because of me. He had done nothing but help me, he had been patient and understanding and I’d done nothing but be rude to him. I made his job harder with my non-compliance and attitude, and ended up being the person who brought about his death. It probably wasn’t quick and painless either, he was likely toyed with and frightened, his last moments agony.

I’d done to Dr. Nelson was I’d done to Lauren Mallory. Their unfortunate association with me led them to horrific painful deaths.

Edward noticed my expression, sighing sadly. “You can’t blame yourself Bella. It’s regrettable that it happened but you never set out to hurt anyone.”

I snorted at the fact that our roles were reversed. I was the one constantly telling Edward he couldn’t blame himself for the mistakes I made after he left, and now he was telling me I couldn’t blame myself for things that occurred unintentionally.

We spent a good portion of the afternoon in the living room, the rest of the family filtering in and out throughout the day. Esme made me lunch and I choked it down… it was wonderful, as she was an amazing cook, but my appetitive was completely gone and eating was difficult.

I tried to be cheerful and not let my mood put a damper on the situation. It felt pathetic, being so down when I had so many reasons to be happy. Victoria was gone--I was safe again. I survived relatively unscathed, and the Cullen’s and the wolves all made it out intact. I still had to work on things with my parents but at least both Charlie and Renee were talking to me. I hadn’t written to Renee in awhile and needed to do that. My past mistakes still lingered, constant reminders of my downfall, but there was nothing I could do to change that. I couldn’t alter the past, what’s done is done. I’d do everything I could to make up for it but it was a fact of life that would forever be there. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the lives I ruined.

Alice came into the room smiling that evening. “When are you two heading back to Seattle?” she asked. I turned to look at Edward and he was staring at the ground. He shrugged.

“Whenever Bella wants to go, I’ll take her,” he said simply. The tone of his voice caught me off guard, the sadness laced in his words confusing. Alice smiled and nodded.

“We should plan something for your birthday,” she said. She sounded excited, her eyes twinkling. “It’s only a few weeks away!”

Edward growled. “Alice,” he said, his voice full of warning. I felt my heart racing at the sudden reminder of my approaching 20th birthday,

“Aww come on, lighten up,” she said, glaring at her brother. He narrowed his eyes at her and she returned the gesture.

“Uh, I’ll think about it,” I chimed in with, trying to diffuse the sudden tenseness.

Alice smiled brightly, nodding. She winked at Edward before sprinting out of the room.

“What was that about?” I asked, glancing at Edward. He seemed just as confused.

“I’m not sure. I think she’s hiding something from me,” he said suspiciously.

“Well what was she thinking?” I asked.

He laughed dryly. “She was singing the national anthem in Spanish.”

I nodded. “Definitely hiding something.”

He smirked. “Yep.” We were quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “You do need to tell me what you want for your birthday though. I know you aren’t exactly excited about it but I want to at least do something to acknowledge it. If you don’t want me buying you anything I won’t, I won’t spend a dime if that’s what you prefer. But I’d like to do something, however you want to spend the day.”

I considered arguing, but the tone of his voice stopped me. He was completely serious, his desire evident. It seemed important to him. So I simply nodded, telling him I’d let him know.