Ch 28 - Faint

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

“Faint” – Linkin Park

Edward POV

Walking away from the hospital, knowing inside they were heavily sedating Bella when she didn’t deserve it, was one of the hardest things I’d ever forced myself to do. Knowing I had the ability to end it at any moment was complete torture. Because as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t do what needed to be done if Bella were out roaming Seattle on her own. I would need to shadow her, to follow her in order to ensure her safety. The knowledge that she was in the hospital, which was the safest place for her, was the security I needed to be able to focus my attention elsewhere.

I forced myself back into the Volvo after Bella fell into her deep sleep. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back onto US-101, heading back toward Forks. My phone rang and I grabbed it quickly: Alice.

“She’ll be okay Edward. They’re going to get an order to hold her for a few days,” Alice said when I answered. I sighed and thanked her. I figured that much myself, gathering from the doctors’ thoughts, but it was nice to have Alice’s reassurance.

Alice’s visions have been a bit off lately. Most of the time things are clear, but there are occasions where she can’t get a grasp on whatever vision is trying to come through. They’re just brief flashes and annoying, to say the least.

When Alice hung up, I called Carlisle’s phone. He answered immediately, already having an idea of what I wanted.

“How do you want to do this?” he asked. I sighed.

“Can you call a meeting with the wolves? Contact Sam and tell him to meet us near the line in no-mans land.” Carlisle agreed and hung up.

The drive back to Forks went by quickly—I pushed the Volvo as hard as I could. I pulled into the driveway of the house and jumped out, running inside. I wanted to get this done with as quick as possible and get back to Seattle to where Bella was. Even though I knew she was safe, it made me uncomfortable being so far away from her.

I never wanted to be apart from her again, never wanted to have to leave her side. I knew we had a long way to go to build anything up between us, and it’ll take awhile before her and I can just be together like we used to, but I had hope. I had hope for a future together, hope that we could find happiness and peace together. If she’d have me, that is. If she could ever forgive me for everything I’ve done and caused. If she’d let me, I’d stand by her side forever, loving her until the end of my days. I’d give her anything she ever wanted or needed, give her whatever it is her heart desired.

Carlisle was in the living room with Esme when I made it inside. He looked slightly glum and I groaned loudly. He didn’t have to say it out loud; I’d gotten it from his thoughts. The wolves were skeptical of meeting us after today’s confrontation and wanted a bit of time.

It took over 24 hours for them to finally agree to meet Carlisle and I. I probably should’ve hunted in those 24 hours but I was too preoccupied. I scoured through every newspaper I could get my hands on, going back well over a year, looking for anything suspicious. I researched events and people but never really got anywhere. I wasn’t sure what I expected—I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be easy.

Carlisle and I met the wolves at the line separating our worlds at midnight. Sam showed up in human form but was flanked by two of his pack phased into wolf form. I was grateful Jacob wasn’t present, the last thing I needed was another showdown.

Sam neared Carlisle and I, stopping just short of crossing the line. He was eyeing us cautiously, his thoughts skeptical.

“We appreciate you agreeing to meet us Sam,” Carlisle said politely. Sam nodded.

“If this is about what happened with Jacob, I apologize for his behavior in your territory,” Sam said.

Carlisle smiled. “No, that’s not a problem. I understand Jacob Black meant well.”

I scoffed, causing Carlisle to glare at me. I apologized quickly and waved him on.

“If it’s not about Jake, then why did you ask us here?” Sam was growing even more suspicious.

“Actually it concerns another vampire, one that’s not like us,” Carlisle said.

“It’s a female with red hair. She’s vicious and I think she might be in the area,” I chimed in with. Almost instantly an image of Victoria flashed in Sam’s mind. “You know her?” I asked

Sam nodded. “We encountered her right after you left the area. She was persistent in trying to get around us and we couldn’t figure out why. I had Jacob try to find out from Bella if she knew anything, seeing as how she knows about your kind, but she was already too far on the drugs and out of it at that time. We figured she was trying to get revenge on us for us killing that other bloodsucker, figured maybe it was her boyfriend or something.”

A flash of the wolves tearing apart Laurent came into his head. I grimaced instinctively, it once again reminding me of how dangerous the dogs could be.

“Actually I killed her mate,” I said.

“You killed another leech?” Sam asked incredulously.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at his name calling but nodded. “He was trying to kill Bella, so I had no choice but to destroy him.”

“Why would he be after Bella?” Sam asked.

“He was demented, it was a game to him. And I’m assuming the female came back to try to finish what he started.”

“She wanted Bella?!” I nodded.

“I think so.”

Sam was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. “You might be right. The last time we saw her was right before the accident. She hasn’t been back around here since then.”

I nodded. “I think she relocated to Seattle and I don’t think she’s alone. There have been a lot of killings and disappearances lately, too many for it to be just her. I haven’t picked up her scent, but I have smelled others in the city. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.”

“So you think she’s still after Bella?” Sam asked.

“Yes. Someone’s been calling her ever since she was released from the hospital. Carlisle thought it might’ve been Jacob but I believed it was someone more sinister. They even went so far as to buy Bella a new phone to ensure they had means of communicating with her. I can’t say for sure that it’s related but I see no other plausible explanation. They’re either fishing for information or trying to trick her and I’m pretty sure Victoria is behind it.”

Sam nodded. “What do you want us to do?”

“We’d just appreciate it if you kept an eye out and let us know if you come across anything. If she’s in the area and still after Bella, there’s a chance she’ll return to Forks. Charlie also needs to be watched, just in case,” Carlisle chimed in with.

Sam agreed and said he’d be in contact. They departed and Carlisle and I ran back to the house. Carlisle retreated to his office, wanting to look through some newspapers to try to gather up some information. I thought about telling him it was useless, I’d already scoured everything I could get my hands on and found nothing, but he wanted to feel useful so I just let him go. I walked up to my room and was immediately accosted by Bella’s scent as soon as I opened the door. It still lingered here after she’d slept in the bed. It was intoxicating.

I stuck around the house for an hour or so simply to appease Esme… I knew she missed me, I was the only reason she demanded the family move back to the house in Forks. I gave Esme an apologetic look, telling her I wanted to get back to Bella. She was sad, of course, but she understood.

I was heading out the door when Carlisle’s thoughts stopped me.

I wonder if the phone they sent Bella has some sort of tracking device in it.

I froze. I have no idea why that never occurred to me before, but it made sense. I knew the phone was opened and assembled when it arrived.

The drive back to Seattle was quick. I swung by the hospital and listened for a bit. I didn’t hear Bella’s voice at all but I knew from others thoughts that she was still there and safe.

I drove to Bella’s apartment and got out, heading inside. The moment I walked into the lobby the scent hit me and I froze, crouching slightly and a growl rumbling my chest instinctively. It was definitely vampire but wasn’t Victoria. It was another one I’d encountered sporadically around the city. I couldn’t place the scent, so it was likely I’d never actually personally encountered them before.

I followed the scent upstairs and unlocked Bella’s apartment door. I breathed a sigh of relief when the scent stopped at the doorway. They’d been in her building but hadn’t gone inside her apartment.

I followed the scent for a good while trying to track it, but it was all over the city, the different paths converging. I didn’t sense it at the library where Bella worked thankfully, so they hadn’t gone there.

I went back to Bella’s apartment and waited around for a while, catching up on the news. When the next day broke, I made my way over to the hospital. I stood outside for a while, listening to the thoughts of the doctors and nurses. Bella’s therapist was immersed in Bella’s file, trying to find a way to get through to her. After awhile he decided to go for a cup of coffee. When he emerged, I introduced myself. I wanted him to know that she wasn’t delusional, it wasn’t fair to her. I listened to his thoughts as he analyzed me afterwards, it was quite amusing. He was definitely observant.

I waited around Bella’s apartment building for her to be released. When she finally showed up hours later, my presence startled her. I didn’t mean to scare her, and I definitely didn’t want to alarm her, but after sensing the vampire in her building I couldn’t leave her side. I didn’t want to leave her unprotected.

She invited me in and things were tense to start with. She panicked when I hinted someone might be after her. I didn’t want to tell her anything but I needed her to understand why I was being so overprotective. When she fell asleep that night, I slipped out of the bedroom to check her phone. I slipped the back off and spotted it immediately. It was a GPS chip, smaller than the size of a fingertip. I carefully took it out, not wanting to hurt it. I slipped it in my pocket and put the back on her phone again.

The electricity went out and I cursed. I was going to head back to the bedroom when Bella’s phone rang. I debated for a second but couldn’t resist—I answered. They didn’t speak but upon hearing my voice they hung up, which I knew they never did to Bella.

Bella woke up and caught me. I told her I was looking for some candles, since there was no power in her apartment. I mistakenly brought up the accident and she broke down again. I held Bella while she cried and she fell asleep in my arms. It felt so right, holding her.

I tried to get her to quit her job, not wanting her to be out of my sight, but it was fruitless. She was stubborn, always was and likely always would be. I begrudgingly let her go, comforted a bit by the fact that I hadn’t sensed the vampire there at all.

Alice came to Seattle to keep an eye on her for me. Bella wasn’t happy with me--that much was clear. I didn’t want to leave her side, couldn’t risk leaving her unprotected, but I had the feeling she didn’t want me around. I drove to Forks while she was at work and gave the tracking chip to Carlisle. He said he was going to keep it and notify the wolves, figuring maybe whoever was tracking her would take the bait and head that direction.

Bella surprised me by inviting me inside again when I arrived back. I expected her to lash out at me but she didn’t. I spent the week staying with her and the tension between us seemed to disappear. There were still some tense moments, not all bad though. I couldn’t entirely read Bella, she was difficult to understand sometimes. Her heart would start racing out of nowhere and I’d be unable to decipher why. She wore such a calm mask a lot, I couldn’t tell if it were from fright or from dazzling as it used to be. I wished she’d tell me what she was thinking. I didn’t want to pressure her or push her, but I had no idea what it was Bella wanted from me. She was so hot and cold sometimes, one moment she seemed to be pushing me away and the next pulling me to her.

There were other moments, moments where it was easy to tell what was on Bella’s mind. Those moments caught me off guard and I was stunned the first time it happened. She knew I had heightened senses but I didn’t think she was aware that I could sense when she was aroused. I could smell it and her scent was enthralling. I had a hard time controlling myself in those moments, it was completely overpowering. It wasn’t her blood I fought against--it was her body.

I followed Bella to therapy at the end of the week. I finally convinced her to return. I heard her doctors plan of treatment and truly felt it would help her. She always had low self-esteem, always seemed to think I was better than her for some reason. The fact of the matter was, Bella was better than me. I imagine her self-love took a hit from the events surrounding the accident. You tend to think badly of yourself when you cause death—I know.

When she got back from therapy and sat down beside me, I tensed up slightly. I needed to hunt--I knew that. It had been over two weeks and that was my max. I couldn’t go more than two weeks without seriously endangering the humans around me—Bella especially, since her blood seemed to call to me. I let it slide that I had listened to her therapy session and she did the last thing I ever expected. Bella punched me. It didn’t hurt but I was stunned by it, to say the least. She surely wasn’t the same fragile human girl I fell for in Forks, that was for sure.

When Bella got tired, I went into the bedroom and slipped into bed while she changed. It was the routine we developed over the week—I’d hold her until she fell asleep. It was the part of the day I looked forward to most. I intended to call Alice and have her come down as soon as Bella fell asleep so I could go feed, but I wanted my moment first. The moment where everything else seemed to fade away, the one moment every day where we could just be together, like it used to be.

Bella climbed into bed and I wrapped my arms around her like usual, pulling her close to me. That was when it happened—when I made the biggest mistake I could’ve ever made.

I inhaled deeply, taking her scent in. I knew better, I knew I desperately needed to hunt and needed to keep my distance from Bella until I did, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was so wrapped up in the moment. And when her scent hit me, when the perfume of her strawberry shampoo mixed with the intoxicating fragrance of her sweet blood entered my lungs, the monster inside reared its ugly head. I tensed up quickly as the burn scorched my throat and the venom started flowing. I fought the urge so hard I was trembling. I wanted nothing more than to take her, to just taste her. I needed it, my body was screaming for it. And she was so close, all it would take was a flick of my wrist to end it all. But I fought, I had to fight. It was Bella, and I loved her more than anything in the world. I couldn’t hurt her.

After a moment of not breathing the venom flow decreased, the burn dulling slightly, so I let go of her. It still wasn’t safe; I knew it wouldn’t be until I hunted. My phone was ringing and I knew what that meant. It was Alice, trying to get to me before this happened, but she was too late. I was frozen, afraid of what would happen if I moved. I needed to get out of there but was afraid if I relaxed enough to move the monster would pounce. It wasn’t like when we were in biology class. I was fighting at that moment as much as I had that first day, but there were witnesses there. I could hold back because of the other people. But here… here it was just us. No one would know, no one to stop me. And that made it infinitely harder and extremely more dangerous. And I was afraid if I moved and there was no one there to stop me or distract me with their presence, I’d make the biggest mistake of my life.

Bella’s heart started racing… I couldn’t smell the blood but I could hear it and that was just as bad. The venom started flowing again and I fought against it as hard as I could. She was scared, I could tell, and that was killing me. Bella was afraid of me. I was a danger to her, I always told her that, but I never wanted to be the cause of her fright.

I was afraid of what Alice’s frantic calls meant, afraid of what I was going to do. So I stayed frozen, hoping Bella would calm down and the desire to pounce would dull enough that I could slip away from her without fear of losing control the second I allowed myself to relax enough to move.

And then it happened. Bella’s phone rang. It startled us both with how close it was. Bella jumped and she realized when she had done. The expression that crossed her face ripped my heart from my chest. The fear and panic and dread that overcame her was heartbreaking.

I saw the blush that crept up into her cheek and something snapped. I lost control of myself and snarled. I almost bit her, I got so close to pressing my teeth to the flesh of her exposed neck and ripping her open, but the look on her face made me hesitate for a split second, which was just enough time to force myself away. She had closed her eyes and appeared resigned. She was just going to sit there and take it. Bella was just going to accept that I was going to kill her—and that was what saved her life. Because she expected me to be that monster and I simply couldn’t accept that.

I was out of there in a second. I pulled the window open and leapt out, thankful that no one was around to see me. I left my phone in the apartment so I couldn’t call anyone to come check on Bella, but I knew Alice was watching and would make sure she was safe.

I jumped in my car and sped out of the city, toward Forks. When I got near it I pulled over and jumped out, running into some nearby woods to hunt. There wasn’t much selection wise but I didn’t care. I just needed to dull the burn. I slaughtered a herd of deer, draining them dry. I drank until I could take in another drop.

I was sitting in the woods, wallowing, when I heard them. They made no noise as they walked through the trees and brush but their thoughts gave them away.

Are you okay? Alice thought.

I laughed bitterly. “I’m as fine as I’m going to be.”

She approached hesitantly and sat down beside me. I felt a wave of calm roll through me and turned my head to glare at Jasper. The calm disappeared as quickly as it had come and he apologized silently. I didn’t want him to manipulate me into feeling better; I deserved to feel bad right now.

“Bella’s okay,” Alice said with a smile. I just glared at her, frowning. Bella may be alive, for now anyway, but that didn’t mean she was okay.

“She was afraid of me Alice. Instead of making her feel safe, I frightened her.”

Alice sighed. “You did the right thing by not moving.” I immediately got a flash from Alice’s thoughts of my body hovering over Bella’s limp form, blood running down her neck. I cringed and closed my eyes. Alice apologized quickly.

“I almost killed her Alice. My mouth went to her neck, my teeth nearly grazing her skin. I was fighting it hard, if her phone hadn’t rung I might’ve been able to compose myself without that happening.”

Alice frowned and shook her head slowly. “I called her phone Edward. It was the only way you were going to make it out of there with her alive. Bella was going to jump up and run.”

I was hit with a flash of me leaping from the bed at Bella, knocking her down from behind. A sob escaped me as I closed my eyes, putting my head down in my hands. Alice rubbed my back for a moment before whispering that she was going to head to Seattle to see Bella. I nodded but didn’t look up at her as she departed.

Jasper sat down beside me, taking the place where Alice had been. He was quiet but his mind was replaying the day in Forks when he had nearly killed Bella himself.

“She’ll understand, she’ll forgive you,” Jasper said softly after awhile. I lifted my head up and gave him an incredulous look. He smiled and nodded. “She forgave me and I’m not the one she loves.”

I didn’t respond. Jasper and I sat quietly, both of us lost in thought. I wanted to go back to Seattle, to apologize to Bella, but I didn’t think either of us were ready for that yet.