Ch 55 - This I Promise You

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...
Just close your eyes
Each loving day
I know this feeling won't go away
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..

This I Promise You – Nsync

I fidgeted in the dress, completely uncomfortable and feeling out of my element. I was beyond nervous, entirely convinced that I was going to trip in these high heels and go tumbling down the aisle and ruin Denise’s wedding. If I didn’t fall, I was bound to damage the fragile dress, spill something on it or rip it.

I walked down the corridor cautiously and timidly knocked on the large brown door. It swung open and I gasped, smiling brightly at the sight of Denise. One of her cousins, another bridesmaid, was helping her put her veil on. Her dress was beautiful, classy. She was practically glowing.

“You look great, Isabella!” Denise said excitedly. I smiled and closed the door behind me.

“Puh-lease, I look like a bum compared to you. You are positively beaming.”

She smiled and laughed, overjoyed. I helped her finish getting ready and someone knocked on the door loudly, startling us. “5 minutes to go time,” the man called out. Denise glanced at me, panic in her eyes.

“Relax, Denise! Don’t go getting cold feet now.”

She smiled and nodded. “I know, I’m fine. This is good. I’m just a little nervous.”

We headed out and started toward the chapel. On my cue I started down the aisle slowly, watching where I was walking cautiously. I made it to the end and took my place at the front, breathing a sigh of relief that I hadn’t hurt myself. Denise came out and walked down the aisle, all attention on her. I was so happy for her--she deserved it.

Their vows were beautiful. When it was all over with I kicked my shoes off and waltzed out to the parking lot to climb in my Honda. I could’ve rode with the wedding party in the limos but limo’s really weren’t my thing. I preferred to drive myself.

Alice’s words all those months ago in the library rang true—Edward refused to step foot in a church. It was completely ridiculous and I thought I’d made strides with him when he admitted he might have a soul, but none-the-less he wouldn’t do it. He said he didn’t belong in a church--it was the one place he felt he would be desecrating if he entered.

He did promise to meet me later at the reception, as it was New Years Eve. He was spending the afternoon and early evening with Alice, as she came in town this morning for whatever reason. I don’t think Alice really had a reason for coming most of the time, she just liked visiting us. I knew she missed having Edward around.

I drove across town to the Bell Harbor Conference Center, where the reception was being held. Everyone else arrived before me and I made my way inside, mingling with some of Denise’s friends and family I’d recently met. They were all nice and very welcoming, all of them having heard of me before.

I grabbed a soda and was walking around when someone caught my arm, startling me. I turned around and saw Kevin standing there, the boy I’d gone out with for Denise on Independence Day. He was wearing a tuxedo and looking completely uncomfortable. His skin was so darkened it was nearly orange—I realized he was highly fond of the tanning bed.

“Hello,” I said politely, glancing at my arm where his hand still lay.

“Hey, Isabella, it’s nice to see you again. I was hoping you’d be here.”

I smiled nervously. “Yeah. Nice to see you too.”

“Do you want to dance?” he asked, smiling smugly as his eyes lingering downward, eyeing up my body. I fidgeted uncomfortably.

“Uh, no thanks,” I mumbled. He looked at me with disbelief.

“No?” he asked incredulously.

I shook my head. His smile fell as his eyes clouded with anger. I imagine he wasn’t used to being turned down as most girls found his type attractive.

“Is everything alright, Bella?” a voice asked softly behind me. I turned around and breathed a sigh of relief as my eyes fell upon Edward. He looked devastatingly handsome in a classic all-black suit with a black undershirt and a white silk tie.

Edward was glaring at Kevin, fury in his eyes. Kevin flinched back from his gaze and let go of my arm. He scurried away quickly and Edward smiled.

“Wow, you look… mouth-watering,” he said, taking my hand and bringing it up to his lips. I blushed and he chuckled. “Even more beautiful now,” he said, running a finger along my pink cheek.

“Look who’s talking,” I said, cocking an eyebrow and giving him the once over. I licked my lips playfully and he groaned.

“You keep that up and I may have to take you home and ravage you tonight,” he whispered, leaning in. His cool breath hit my ear and I shivered. I felt desire shoot through me, intense need. Our physical relationship was still at a standstill and I was yearning for release. I glanced up at him and saw his eyes were darkened, lust evident in them.

“I might just hold you to that,” I said softly. He smiled, nodding. I was taken a bit of guard by the conversation and him insinuating we might be intimate again. I opened my mouth to question him about him, wondering if it was truly a possibility, but he switched the subject quickly before I could.

“Let’s go dance,” he said, motioning toward the dance floor. I looked at him skeptically.

“I don’t know Edward, I’m not so sure I could even fake it in these heels without breaking my ankle or something.”

He chuckled. “You’ll be fine. You can take them off if you prefer, but I really want to dance.”

I smiled lightly, shrugging. I allowed him to lead me out onto the dance floor. He pulled me close to him and we started swaying lightly to the music.

Edward was gazing down at me lovingly. “You really are beautiful,” he said softly.

I smiled. “Thank you. I don’t really like the dress though.”

“Why not?” he asked with disbelief. “It’s looks great on you, especially that color. It brings out the flushing in your skin.”

I felt my body flushing, the blush creeping up as he spoke. He chuckled and pressed the palm of his hand against the bare skin showing around my neckline, cooling my skin while he felt the warmth.

“I love that,” he said. “Your warmth is spectacular.”

I smiled, but part of me was slightly saddened by his words. I knew he loved my warmth and my blush and the sound of my heart, and as heartwarming as it was that he loved those things it also troubled me. Those were merely signs of my humanity and all would be gone if he ever changed me. I would be as cold as him, eternally pale, and my heart would beat no more. Would everything he saw in me that he felt was special disappear, become victim to my immortality if he changed me? Would he even still want me? Him and I had talked a lot more lately, but one subject neither of us have brought up is the topic of my mortality. We spoke of the future in broad terms, both of us making it clear we intended to have a future together, but neither breaching the subject of what form of future it would be. I was slightly afraid to ask—afraid to rock the boat.

“Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” Edward asked, slightly panicked. I realized I’d stopped moving as my mind wandered.

“Oh, no, I’m fine. Sorry,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around him as we started dancing again. “I don’t like the dress because it shows my scars.”

As I said it Edward wrapped his arms around me and ran his cool hands down my exposed back, where the scars from the fire and the newly added scar from the fight with Victoria stood prominent. He sighed.

“They aren’t as bad as you think. You can always have them removed, if you prefer, as they have medical procedures that can go through to lessen their appearance. But I don’t think you should, honestly. You shouldn’t be ashamed of them, they’re physical reminders of your strength.”

I smiled lightly. We continued dancing and Edward would occasionally lean down to kiss me or whisper sweet things in my ear.

“Oh, I have something for you,” Edward said after awhile, smiling brightly. He pulled away slightly and reached into his pocket, pulling out a set of keys. He dangled them in front of me, and my eyes widened.

“Are those…?” I began, eyeing him questioningly. Edward nodded.

“Yup, the keys to the house.”

I squealed and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He chuckled and hugged me back. We’d been looking at apartments and condos and houses ever since Thanksgiving, when Edward had practically demanded we move. We toured countless places and either Edward or I had vetoed every single one for one reason or another—that was, until a few days ago.

We found a house that I fell in love with instantly. Edward seemed pleased with it and was happy that I finally found a place I liked. We decided that evening that we’d go for it, but we were a mere few hours late. Someone else signed a contract for it not long after we toured it.

I was a bit saddened, as school was starting in a few days and we wanted to move before then. I was starting to think finding somewhere to move to was a lost cause, but Edward was determined to get his way. And it appeared he did. I wasn’t going to ask how he pulled it off, as I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Edward wasn’t above bribery or threats.

“When can we move in?” I asked excitedly. Edward smiled.

“Any time. It’s ours as of midnight.”

I squealed again, hugging him tightly. He kept his arms wrapped around me and laid his head on top of mine. We swayed lightly, just enjoying being in each other’s arms.

We danced for a while and mingled with the guests. When midnight neared, Edward took my hand and led me through the building. He took me out the back exit and led me toward the waterfront. The view was spectacular, the water glistening under the moonlight. Edward took his jacket off and draped it over my arms to keep me warm as we walked along the edge of the water.

It was quiet, but not at all uncomfortable. Our eyes would occasionally meet and I’d blush at the intense love shining out at me. It was sweet and intimate.

After a few minutes I heard people from the reception hall behind us start counting down. We stopped walking and Edward gazed into my eyes. When they reached one and started cheering, Edward leaned down and whispered ‘Happy New Year, love’ before pressing his lips against mine. He kissed me passionately and I brought my hands up to wrap around his neck, pulling him even closer. My pulse picked up, as did my breathing, and I heard a light growl vibrating Edwards chest but he didn’t pull away.

Fireworks went off behind me, across the water, and I jumped as the loudness caught me off guard. Edward chuckled and pulled back. I watched as his eyes melted from their intense black back to the golden warmness.

Fireworks went off again and I glanced over to look at them. I turned back after a moment and gasped as Edward knelt down in front of me. My eyes widened in shock when I saw he had a small black velvet box in his hand.

“I know we’ve only been back together for a few months, and maybe this is too soon, but I can’t live without you, Bella. Words can’t express exactly how much you mean to me. I love you, more than anything in this world, and I want you to know that. I need you to understand that I’m never leaving you again. Ever. You are my life and you always will be. It’s all about you Bella, and always will be. Will you be mine? Will you marry me?”

I stared at him in shock and felt the tears well up in my eyes. He knelt in front of me, gazing up at me, imploring me with his eyes. Every ounce of love he expressed was evident in his face, every bit of dedication he promised shining through. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest; I could feel the blood pumping furiously through my veins. I loved him, there was no doubt about it. He was my soul mate; we were made for each other. There was that tiny piece of me that was frightened, afraid of marriage. My own parent’s marriage failed miserably and I still had that fear of abandonment inside of me and was so afraid of saying yes. I was dedicated to Edward, nothing mattered more to me than him, but I was afraid of jinxing us.

But there was that bigger part of me that trusted him—trusted he knew what he was doing. A year ago or even 6 months ago I would’ve ran screaming in the other direction, but I’ve grown and changed so much in such a short time. I trusted that Edward wouldn’t set us up for failure, that Edward wouldn’t set me up to be hurt. And that was also the part of me that wanted to shout my love for him from the rooftops, wanted to tell the entire world that the gorgeous creature in front of me was mine. And that I was his. And that no matter what, no one or nothing could ever tear us apart.

And as I gazed down into the eyes of the man I loved, I knew he felt the same way. I knew he meant every word he said. I knew he’d protect me, and cherish me, and never hurt me again. And no matter what happened in the future, we’d be okay in one way or another.

“Yes,” I said softly, as the tears overflowed from my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. Edward smiled brightly at me with joy, pulling the ring out and slipping it on my finger. It was gorgeous, not at all cheap or cliché. I could tell it was special, that it had been around for a long time and ventured to guess that it was a family heirloom. After a moment I reached down and grabbed his shirt and pulled on it, trying to get him to get up. He laughed when he realized what I was doing and obliged, standing up. I wrapped my arms around him and he picked me up off of the ground, swung me around, hugging me tightly.

“I love you so much,” I said, my voice cracking with emotion as the tears flowed. Edward sat me back down on my feet and pulled back to look at me. He smiled and reached his hand up to brush my tears away.

“I love you too, Bella Cullen.”

Edward leaned down and kissed me again, the kiss deep and intense. His hands were on my waist and he pulled me to him. I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing up against me and moaned. I wanted him, desperately needed him and I could tell he felt the same. I know he was afraid of hurting me, afraid of losing control but we’d made it through it the first time. We knew what to expect now, it wouldn’t be as difficult. I just needed to convince Edward of that.

“Can we go home?” I whispered against his lips. He sighed and nodded.

“We can come back tomorrow and get your car,” Edward said as he led me to the Volvo. I didn’t argue, just climbed in the passenger seat. I frankly didn’t care about the car at that moment—all I cared about was getting home.

Edward sped across town, taking a brief detour to avoid a police roadblock. He helped me out of the car when we arrived back at the apartment building and held my hand as we walked upstairs. He kept glancing at me from the corner of his eyes and seemed slightly nervous. When we got upstairs he unlocked the apartment door and ushered me inside.

I pulled off Edwards jacket, tossing it on the couch, and kicked off my shoes. My feet felt like they were on fire, throbbing from being trapped in those ridiculous heels. I picked them up and walked into the bedroom, tossing them into the closet where I mentally swore they’d forever remain.

Edward walked in behind me and pulled his own shoes off. He tossed them into the closet and grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. He pulled me to him and leaned down to kiss my neck. His wet lips and cool breath sent shivers down my spine, my breathing erratic from arousal.

“Please,” I whispered. Edward groaned and brought his lips up to mine. He kissed me deeply, leading me backwards toward the bed. He lay me down across it and hovered over me, his lips never leaving mine.

“We can try,” he whispered after a moment, sounding completely agonized. “But I can’t… promise…”

I pulled away from his lips and glanced up at his face. His expression was tortured, immense lust and desire evident but he was also afraid—very afraid.

“It’s okay,” I said softly, bringing my hand up to run it across his cheek. He leaned into my touch instinctively seeking the warmth. “We’ll be okay.” I tried to sound confident, tried to be reassuring. I knew the possible consequences but I trusted him. I had faith in us.

Edward nodded after a moment and his fear seemed to recede. He undid his tie quickly, knowing it would take me forever to do it. I brought my hand up and started undoing the buttons on his shirt. He pulled me up to a sitting position and reached behind me to unzip my dress. I lay back down and he pulled my dress off, leaving me in nothing but a strapless white pushup bra and a small white thong.

Edward’s eyes roamed my body as I finished pulling his shirt off. I undid his pants and he stood up, pulling them down along with his boxers. I moaned when his naked form came into sight. Edward with no clothes on was stunning. I’d never before found the male form so intoxicating.

Edward sat back down on the bed and I reached my hand out to stroke him. He closed his eyes and hissed when my hand wrapped around his erection. He was hard—very hard. I’d never touched another man before, but I had a sneaking suspicious that Edward was harder than most because his entire body was that way. He was also big and thick, definitely well endowed.

Edward’s hand ghosted over my stomach and chest. He slipped his hand under me and undid the clasp of my bra quickly, pulling it off. He groaned and leaned in, hesitating briefly as if he were debating something, and brought his lips to my chest. He kissed my breast softly before circling my nipple with his tongue. I gasped at the sensation, tingling shooting through me and arched my back. Edward pulled back immediately, smiling sheepishly. I mentally scolded myself for my reaction, knowing I needed to keep myself in check so he could keep his composure.

Edward reached down and pulled my underwear off slowly, tossing them onto the floor. His hands roamed over my legs and thighs before coming up and rubbing over my middle gently. I moaned and closed my eyes, trying to keep myself under control. I gasped as I felt his fingers grazed over my clit and down my folds, before he slipped one inside of me.

His hands roamed all over my body for a few minutes and I did everything I could not to make too many sudden movements. I knew he needed time to reacquaint himself with my naked form, needed time to make sure he wasn’t being overwhelmed.

I opened my eyes when I felt the bed shift. Edward moved himself over top of me, leaning down to kiss my lips softly. His eyes were black but he seemed to be in control.

I spread my legs as he came up between them and moaned when I felt the tip of his erection graze against me. I was aroused, my body desperate for him. I could feel every inch of me burning with desire, my body throbbing with need. I was wet, my arousal running down my thighs from anticipation.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly, hesitating.

“Yes,” I mumbled, bringing my hands up and running them down his back. “God, yes. Please.”

I felt the tip of him at my entrance and held my breath, preparing. He pushed inside of me slowly and I gasped as the electricity shot through me. It was intense, the most intense thing I’d ever experienced and it was exactly like I had remembered it being last time. I had no idea if it felt the same way for Edward but it was overwhelming for me. He was cold but something about his skin sparked immense warmness. I felt like fire was rolling through my vein, warming every inch of me from the inside out. My entire body was buzzing.

He moved slowly but kept a perfect rhythm. I tried to focus on Edward but the sensations were so overpowering, everything clouded except for the pleasure rolling through me like waves. It was no wonder I hadn’t seen Edward’s destruction of the bed last time—there could be an earthquake, the apartment could be sucked up into a black hole and I wouldn’t notice if Edward were inside of me. I also knew that if Edward lost control, I’d have no idea. I wouldn’t know what hit me—I’d never see it coming.

It was this moment, being with him like this, that reaffirmed the fact that we were soul mates. When we connected like this we truly became one, and neither of us would survive again without the other. I knew that—I could feel it.

I felt my body convulse as an orgasm took control. My back arched involuntarily and I screamed out as it rocked through me. I felt Edward tense above me and heard a growl so I tried to quiet myself, tried to still my body. After a moment he fell back into his rhythm.

I felt Edward tense up after awhile, his breathing pick up. His grip on me tightened but didn’t hurt. I silently prayed he didn’t bruise me for his sake. I forced my eyes to open and saw him over top of me. He was shaking slightly, his eyes closed. His face twisted after a moment and his lips pulled back, exposing his teeth as he snarled loudly. It was menacing, the look of a predator and I should’ve been afraid seeing him like that so close to me, but I wasn’t. I was completely mesmerized. His hands left my hips and he gripped the metal headboard above me. I heard the metal groaning and snap under the force of his hand and gasped as I felt him explode inside of me. It was cold—so cold—but I felt it seeping through my insides, warming my entire body and causing me to tingle from head to foot.

Edward opened his eyes after his orgasm subsided. He glanced up at the headboard, surveying the destruction and sighed, closing his eyes again. I brought my hand up to graze his cheek and his eyes popped back open.

“You were beautiful,” I said softly. I meant it. His expression when he reached his release was intense, so primal and aggressive but at the same time so utterly captivating.

“You were watching?” he asked. I nodded. “And you weren’t afraid?”

I shook my head and smiled lightly. “Not at all.”

Edward pulled out of me and we both verbalized discontent at breaking the connection. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

After a moment he leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For?” I asked.

“For being you.”