Ch 43 - Shiver

There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find a new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied ‘til I'm under your skin

“Shiver” – Maroon 5

I sat at the table, glaring at the offensive piece of paper in front of me. I’m surprised it hadn’t spontaneously burst into flames with the intensity of my stare. The phrase ‘if looks could kill’ came to mind. I clutched the pen in my hand tightly, my knuckles turning white with the strength of my grip. The paper was blank, with the exception of a sentence written across the top. It was short and simple, merely 20 words, but those 20 words combined together made everything complex.

Today was September 9th. My birthday was only 4 days away and if that weren’t bad enough, I had this to deal with. Edward had forgotten to bring up the fact that these applications were due to the admissions office at UW on the 15th.

I reread the sentence again, groaning. Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

I heard the door behind me open and shut quickly. Edward chuckled as he approached the table. “You’re still stressing about that?” he asked.

I threw my pen down with a little too much force, causing it to bounce off the edge of the table. Edward’s fast reflexes kicked it and he caught it, placing it gently down in front of me.

“Relax,” he said with a shrug. “I told you it isn’t that important, you don’t even really have to write it. You’ll get in anyway, that won’t be a problem.”

“I don’t want special treatment Edward. I want to get it because I earned it and not because my boyfriend knows how to pull strings.”

He sighed but didn’t argue. He tossed a sealed envelope down on the table in front of me, on top of my still blank paper.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Transcript. I figured you wouldn’t want to go walk into the high school and retrieve it yourself so I convinced them to give me yours too while I was there.”

“Isn’t that against the rules?”

He chuckled. “Of course it is. You could probably sue them for that actually,” he said with a shrug.

“Why were you at the high school?” I asked, confused. I knew he had gone to Forks to pick up some more of his stuff from the house and to see the family.

“I knew you’d need it for the application. I had to get mine anyway.”

I thanked him. After a moment I smiled and cocked an eyebrow, glancing in his direction “You got your transcript from Forks?” I asked. He nodded. “Where’d you graduate from?”

“I actually didn’t this time, we didn’t bother pretending at the end. But they think I did at some high school in California. I don’t know, Jasper had the documents made for us so it looked like we completed senior year somewhere.”

“That’s fraud,” I muttered. He laughed loudly.

“That’s life,” he responded with simply.

I moved the envelope off of my paper and reread the sentence once more before gathering everything up to put it away. I already had a headache, there was no way I was cranking out 500 words on my life experiences now.

“You have plenty to write about Bella,” he said after a moment. I nodded, knowing he was telling the truth. The problem was actually writing about it, discussing it. I’d experienced a lot but so much of it made me look crazy, for lack of a better word. I was trying to start my life over, trying to put the past behind me, and the last thing I wanted to do was bring the grief and heartache along into it. I’d never forget any of it. Lauren’s demise and Tyler’s disappearance would forever be a black cloud lingering around my happiness, constantly reminding me of my selfish mistakes.

“You think they’d believe me if I told them about supernatural creatures battling to save me from evil forces?”

He chuckled. “I doubt it.” He glanced at the clock at the wall before turning to me. “Hungry? Want to go out somewhere?”

I shrugged. I indeed was hungry but I always felt guilty dragging Edward to restaurants. He didn’t seem to mind, but he usually had to fake it and order food. And of course, since he ordered something, he demanded he be allowed to pay the bill. He claimed he did it to keep up appearances but I had a sneaking suspicious he only ordered food so I wouldn’t fight him when he tried to pay. He knew I wouldn’t want him to pay for only me.

“I’d rather stay in,” I said after a moment. He nodded.

“Chinese?” he asked. I agreed and he called to order some. He paid for it when it arrived, ignoring my grumbling. He went into the bedroom while I ate—he knew I loved Chinese but the smell was repulsive to him so he made himself scarce when I had it. I jumped in the shower after I finished eating and brushed my teeth before waltzing into the bedroom. Edward lay back on the bed, ankles crossed and hands behind his hand, completely relaxed. He was gazing up at a new flat screen on the wall.

“Where’d that come from?” I asked incredulously, pointing at it. Edward glanced at me and smiled.

“I brought it from Forks.”

“How come I didn’t hear you or see you putting it up?” I asked, confused.

“I did it when you were in the shower. It was quick and easy,” he said with a shrug. I didn’t argue, there was no point. I wasn’t stupid though—the flat screen wasn’t one of his old possessions, he’d purposely gone out and bought it. The TV was on but appeared muted… I had a suspicion the volume was just too low for my ears to register.

I crawled into bed and he turned the TV off, rolling onto his side to face me. He smiled and leaned over to brush his lips against mine.

“Do you work in the morning?” he asked. I frowned and nodded.

“I only have Tuesday off,” I said.

Edward’s expression shifted until he was nearly scowling. “You don’t have Wednesday off?” he asked, his voice strained.

I shook my head slowly, hesitantly. Wednesday was my birthday and I hadn’t even mentioned it to Margaret so she didn’t know any better when she put me on the schedule. “I work the night shift, 3 until close.”

His eyes darkened with anger. He sat up quickly, turning away from me.

“Edward?” I said cautiously.

“Give me a minute,” he said softly. I sat still and after a few moments he turned back around and lay back down facing me. His eyes melted back to their gold color but were laced with sadness.

“I can take it off, she’ll understand,” I said after a moment. I felt guilty, realizing how much it meant to Edward. He smiled sadly but shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. We’ll go out Tuesday night to celebrate.” We were quiet for a moment—he appeared to be thinking hard about something, his eyes narrowing slightly as he stared off into space.

His phone rang after a moment and he grabbed it off the table. “Alice,” he grumbled, silencing it and tossing it back on the table.

Edward was fairly quiet the rest of the night—he seemed distracted. It finally got too much for me after a while.

“Did I mess up your plans?” I asked.

He laughed lightly, shaking his head. “No, my plans are safe.” He was silent for a moment before sighing. “I’m quite sure you did ruin Alice’s though.”

I furrowed my brow, confused and suddenly suspicious. “Alice had plans for me?”

He shrugged. “Not really plans. Alice was quite positive she saw something happening on your birthday, something she was looking forward to for whatever reason. But since you’ll be working, there’s no way that’ll really happen.”

“Is that what she was hiding? Why she’s been acting all weird and you guys have been bickering?”

He laughed. “We haven’t really been bickering, I just told her she was wrong but she was insisting she wasn’t. Looks like I was right.”

“What did she see?” I asked, curious.

“It doesn’t matter, it wasn’t a big deal,” he said simply. He rolled onto his back and pulled me onto him, assuming the position we took when I went to sleep. I glanced up and saw a slight smile on his lips, subtle relief showing, but there was something else there also.

There was hurt. Hopelessness. He was relieved he had been right, but torn at the same time. Whatever Alice told him she saw had affected him, and even though he didn’t think it would occur, part of him obviously hoped it would. It was something he wanted to happen, but something he didn’t dare outwardly hope for.

But that didn’t make him want it any less, didn’t stop the devastation. And he wouldn’t admit it, whatever it was.

Edward had lied to me—it was a big deal.