Ch 45 - The Only One

And it gets better everyday, I play
With you it's such a scream
Yeah it gets better everyday, I say
With you it's so extreme
Yeah it gets wetter everyday, I stay
With you it's like a dream
Oh I love, oh I love, oh I love
What you do to my skin
Please slip me on
And slide me in
I love what you do to my skin
It's a passion oh yeah

“The Only One” - The Cure

Edward POV

There’s a lot I could say about Alice. On the surface she might appear simple-minded, with her love of fashion and addiction to shopping, but she’s truly far from it. I should know, I hear her every thought. She’s quite a deep thinker, intellectual, cheerful, loving, and a complete ball of energy. To those who may not know any better, she might also appear smug, with her ability to see the future and know what’s going to happen before it does. But she’s not. She doesn’t feel superior and she certainly doesn’t flaunt it. To her, the visions are just as much a curse as they are a gift.

Alice’s visions are subjective, with people changing their mind and unconsciously doing things to change the path they’re on. Alice often had a hard time keeping up with it, the future shifting so rapidly and drastically that as soon as she’d get a grip on things something would throw it off balance. She didn’t gloat about things, didn’t even mention most of her visions. But Alice knew things and saw thing that no one else would ever really know or have to deal with. Alice knew the things that could-have-been, Alice knew the answers to most of the ‘what if’s that people asked. And not all of it was pretty—with my talent, I had the ability to witness most of it along with her.

We, as a family, relied on Alice’s visions too much. We sometimes treated her as if she were infallible, all-knowing. Some things just simply couldn’t be predicted, sometimes unconscious decisions at the last second led to disastrous consequences. Alice was hard on herself when that happened and always did her best to fix things. Like that day in the bedroom, when I lost control. Alice jumping into it and intervening saved both Bella and I.

There were very few instances when Alice was certain about things, when she was confident nothing anyone could do would change the outcome. Whether or not they were good things was the subjective part. She had been completely positive about her and Jasper finding each other, and about them finding our family. They played out exactly like she saw them; nothing would stand in the way of that fate. She’d been completely positive about me falling in love with Bella back in Forks, and I refused to accept it as fact. Knowing her visions were subjective, I did everything in my power to alter that future. I made drastic decisions, switching paths so many times I nearly confused myself, but never once did Alice’s vision waver. It had been like her vision of Jasper—it was fate, nothing could stop it. And nothing did.

You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson then and stopped doubting Alice when she was completely certain about something, but I was stubborn. Back when we all lived in Forks she had an unwavering vision, one she showed me countless times. It was a vision of an immortal Bella, pale glittering skin and glowing red eyes, embracing Alice in the middle of a clearing. That never came to light; I’d abandoned Bella and ran off like a coward. But even when I was hundreds of miles away and Bella was falling to pieces that vision didn’t disappear. Even today Alice still saw it, an unwavering future where Bella was one of us.

More recently, another steadfast vision came to Alice. It was more improbable than the others and I was adamant that she had to be wrong. She might’ve been right in the past, but I refused to agree that she was right this time. She had it while we were in Forks, taking down Victoria. Alice’s visions had been unpredictable around that time and I ventured to guess Victoria had something to do with it—maybe a talent of sorts, her evasiveness. But after Victoria was destroyed, Alice was hit with a strong vision, a vision that had yet to alter in any way regardless of what I did to try to change it. And I was desperate to change it, because what I saw frightened me. A large part of me hoped Alice was right, that it would happen, but the idea that it truly could was beyond my comprehension. It was ridiculously dangerous and I had to do everything I could to stop it simply for safety reasons.

Alice hid the vision for a while, being evasive with her thoughts but she slipped up eventually like I knew she would. She was too ridiculously happy about the prospect that she couldn’t stop herself from eventually thinking of it. It shocked me, caught me completely off guard, and from that moment on I did everything I could to change it all.

But it didn’t change. Alice and I had whispered arguments about it, making sure to keep it from Bella’s ears so to not give her any ideas. We went around in circles, bickering like the siblings we pretended to be. The rest of the family was clued in on it eventually, much to my dismay, and they each had their own opinion on the matter ranging from ecstatic like Alice to worried like me.

I avoided Alice, acting like a complete child throwing a temper tantrum over not getting their way, but I just couldn’t accept it. Alice just smiled, amused, completely confident I was wasting my time. Every time she was in my presence she’d let part of the vision play out for me to see, to show me that regardless of what invasive measures I took nothing changed.

And I did do some extreme things to try to change it, including making a big decision that I realized afterwards might backfire immensely and hurt Bella. But it was too late to take it back without causing others to be hurt also. But I couldn’t worry about that now, I had the pesky vision to worry about. Nothing was changing it.

So as much as I denied it, I also prepared for it. I still couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that it could possibly happen but I did everything I could think of to make it less dangerous. I hunted every day, making sure I was as satiated and in control as I could be at all times. Alice swore it would happen on Bella’s birthday but I knew her timing could be off. And even though it was utterly embarrassing and I truly felt like the 17 year old I was frozen as, I talked to Carlisle about it extensively because if anyone could help me it would be him.

What I had planned for Bella, the thing that could possibly blow up in my face, would happen tomorrow on her birthday. I decided to take her out and pamper her today, to celebrate with just her and I. I pulled strings and got everything put together and left to go hunt and pick up the Aston Martin since it was a special occasion. I tried to get the car and bolt but Alice cornered me in Forks, a smile on her face. She flashed the vision at me, confirming that it still stood. It didn’t make sense, considering there was no possible way something like that could ever happen tomorrow after I showed Bella her birthday surprise. I rolled my eyes and jumped in the car to leave, but Alice’s thoughts hit me as I exited the driveway. It was one simple word, but it ate me up on the entire drive home. I’d never felt so nervous in my life, excitement and fear all brewing together at the possibility.

Tonight, her thoughts said.

When I arrived back in Seattle to get Bella, it all really hit me. I tried to push it aside and just enjoy the evening, but it lingered around like a giant pink elephant that only I could see. I tried to not acknowledge it but it was staring at me the entire time, taunting me. I wasn’t completely giving up but part of me finally acknowledged that Alice’s vision was about to come true, and because of that I drove to my little cabin in the middle of the woods, away from everyone.

Regardless of what I did to try to change it, the fact of the matter was I was going to cave. Fate was going to win once again, no matter how dangerous I thought it was. Because when it came down to it, I couldn’t deny her. I couldn’t reject her. I felt so much guilt over everything Bella had been through—everything I’d put her through. It pained me to hear her speak of what she went through after I abandoned her, the drastic measures she resorted to in order to keep a hold of me. And because of that there was no way I could ever reject her, no matter how dangerous or wrong part of me thought it was. So I needed to do whatever I could to prepare for all possibilities, to try to make sure I didn’t disappoint her. To make sure I never hurt her again in any way.

Because as fate would have it, Bella and I weren’t going to be virgins anymore after tonight. And as I lay there with Bella and she whispered for me to please touch her, and that she needed me, the small part of me that held out finally caved and acknowledged that pink elephant. Alice had been right. Again.

I sighed and sat up, resigned. Bella glanced up at me, confused when my hands left her skin, and a look of pure devastation crossed her features. She thought I was rejecting her. I smiled lightly and stood up, holding my hand out to her. She was chewing on her bottom lip nervously, cautiously placing her small delicate hand in mine. She stood up and stumbled but I caught her quickly. She was definitely more relaxed than usual, having had a bit of alcohol, and it wasn’t helping her coordination that wasn’t that great to begin with. I led her over to the bed in the corner of the room that sat directly across from the fireplace. It was warm there, slightly stifling from the flames crackling nearby but I knew Bella would need that extra heat if things were going to go as Alice predicted. My body was naturally cold and I didn’t want her to catch a chill.

Bella paused in front of the bed, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. She blushed and I couldn’t help but chuckle. I didn’t have to read her mind to know she wanted this, to know she was aroused. I could smell it and tell by her body language. I refused to actually do it until she asked, because she was going to have to—I couldn’t give in unless she said the words and I was 100% confident she was sure about this. But I knew it would happen, knew because of Alice, so the least I could do was take away some of Bella’s discomfort from having to lead.

I moved behind her and swept her hair over her shoulder. I leaned down and kissed her neck lightly, grasping the zipper on her dress. She moaned when my lips connected with her skin and cocked her head back to give me better access. I slowly pulled her zipper down, noticing she had something black and lacy on underneath covering her body. When I had her unzipped I slipped my hands under the material, pushing it slowly off of her shoulders.

Bella let it slide off of her arms and the dress slipped down to the floor. I turned her around to face me and inhaled deeply, groaning at the sight in front of me. Bella tensed up, unsure of what my reaction indicated, and her arm flew up to wrap around her chest in an attempt to shield herself.

I smiled, reaching out and gentling tugging her arms from her torso. She had on black lacy lingerie that hugged her body tightly. She was completely covered, I’d seen more of her than this before, but the sight of her in that outfit with the garters and thigh highs was erotic.

Bella blushed again as I ogled her. I nearly laughed at the complete contradiction in front of me. The vixen in scandalous lingerie, blushing with shyness and fiddling from nervousness. I reached over and picked Bella up, holding her bridal style. She yelped with surprise, staring at me wide eyed. I chuckled and laid her down gently in the center of the bed.

I sat down on the bed, reaching over and pulling Bella’s shoes off carefully. I was taking deep calculated breaths, making sure with every one that I was in control. I’d let Bella drink a good bit tonight at the restaurant because Carlisle suggested it might make the situation easier, if Alice’s vision were to play out. Anything that’s absorbed into the bloodstream alters the smell and taste of it. My kind doesn’t often feed on the highly intoxicated or strung out, because the flavor is too bitter, the smell a turn off. I knew Bella’s blood would never repulse me, but the theory was if she had some alcohol in her bloodstream it wouldn’t call to me and tempt me as badly. And it seemed to be working—thus far, anyway.

Bella propped herself up on her elbows, watching me with a mixture of nervousness and desire on her face. It made me slightly better knowing she felt similar as me, that she too was nervous and therefore wouldn’t be upset if I took things slowly.

I unsnapped her garter from her stockings, slowly rolling them down and off of her legs. She moaned lightly as my fingers trailed down her legs lightly. She skin was smooth and warm, her entire body slightly flushed.

After her stockings were off I glanced up at her, unsure of what to do next. I was just as new to all of this as Bella, and although I wasn’t exactly naïve about the subject considering I’d seen it play out countless times in humans’ minds, it was different when it was me doing it. I didn’t want to make a wrong move.

Bella smiled, trying to reassure me. I smiled back and moved up the bed, hovering over her. I leaned down and kissed her lips, running my hand lightly over her inner thighs.

“Please,” Bella whispered against my lips. I slowly brought my hand up, lightly grazing her panties with my fingers. She whimpered at the sensation, moving her hips to try to gain some friction. I ran my fingers along her panties again, this time a little firmer, and she moaned.

I hesitated, bringing my lips to her ear. “Do you want me to…” I started.

“Yes! God yes!” she nearly yelled. I had to stifle a laugh at her enthusiasm—she didn’t even know what I was going to ask. I slid my hand into her panties and groaned as my fingers found the wetness. She was aroused, majorly. She moaned loudly as my fingers grazed across her folds. I ran them across her clit and entrance before slowly sliding a finger inside of her.

Bella bucked her hips, bring half her body off the bed and startling me. I froze immediately. Bella’s eyes shot open and she stared at me with shock.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

I smiled, nodding. “It’s okay. Just… try not to move so much, okay?”

Bella nodded, her eyes fluttering closed again as my fingers once again started moving. She tried to keep her body as still as possible but I could tell it was difficult for her, her natural reaction being to writhe.

I pulled my hand away after a moment and Bella whimpered at the loss of contact. She opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows, looking at me questioningly with a small smile playing on her lips. I grasped the sides of her panties to pull them off and her hand shot down, grabbing mine and stopping me.

I halted movement and Bella sat up. She reached over and started undoing my tie. She was painfully slow but I didn’t rush her. She got the tie undone and started unbuttoning my shirt slowly. She pushed them both off of me and I pulled my undershirt off quickly. She glanced at my naked chest and blushed.

I ran the back of my hand down her cheek and she smiled, leaning slightly into my touch. I leaned in and kissed her lips sweetly while my hands roamed downward. I grasped the bottom of the lacy lingerie, pulling it up slowly, giving Bella time to object if she wanted to. Bella raised her hands up and I pulled it off of her, tossing it to the floor beside the bed.

I glanced down and gasped at the sight of Bella, completely bare except for a small lacy thong. She squirmed a bit as I looked at her. “You are so beautiful, Bella,” I whispered, bringing my lips to hers. I pushed back on her gently, laying her back down on the bed. My lips traveled down her neck as my hand came up, rubbing lightly over her breasts.

I kissed along her collarbones before bringing my lips to her breasts, placing gentle kisses across them. I wanted to bring my tongue out and run it across the nipples, taste the sensitive flesh, but I was afraid to. I was afraid to put too much of my venom onto her body. Even though I knew it was technically supposed to be safe unless she had a cut, I didn’t want to take any chances.

Bella’s fingers found their way into my hair, mingling in my locks. I moved away from her breasts after a moment, kissing my way back up to her mouth.

Bella’s lips found mine again and she kissed me with fervor. She was gripping my hair tightly, trying to force me closer to her. I couldn’t feel it, it didn’t hurt, but I could see her arms straining.

Her right hand loosened from my hair and she ran it lightly down my chest. I trembled from the feeling of her touch, her fingers leaving a lingering trail of warmth behind them. Bella’s hand came to rest at my belt buckle and she started to undo it. I almost panicked but kept myself composed, allowing her to do it.

I could easily have gotten up and walked out, I could’ve ended it at any time. I could’ve even stopped it before it started. But I knew there were consequences to doing that. Walking away from Bella, denying her this which she desperately wanted, would hurt her and I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t deny her anything. I promised her that I’d respect her opinion and give her anything she wanted and I meant that. I wasn’t entirely comfortable throwing caution to the wind like this, but I’d do it. For her. And that’s probably why the vision never changed—I’d refuse to break my promise to her again.

Bella got my belt undone, and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. I rose up a bit and pushed them down, pulling them off. Bella’s hand ran over the waistband of my boxers and down the front of them. I hissed as her fingers grazed over my erection.

She reached that direction again, her hand heading straight for it. I grabbed it before it made contact and she tried to tug her hand away from my grasp.

“Bella,” I said, my voice thick and gritty with the lust swirling around my system.

“Edward please,” she whimpered. “I need you, I need to feel you.”

I sighed and took a deep breath before letting go of her hand. It went to the waistband of my boxers and tugged on them. I didn’t fight her, rising up so she could pull them down. I held my breath as I kicked the boxers off, my erection standing firm. I was nervous as I glanced up at Bella, whose face held a similar expression. She bit her lip and stared at me for a moment, before her eyes darted downward. They widened in surprise and she gasped. Her eyes shot back up to look me in the face and she blushed, reddening significantly. I chuckled, running my hand down her warm cheek.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” I said softly. “It’s okay.”

She smiled lightly, her blush not leaving, but she allowed her eyes to drift back down. I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed by her looking at me. It was a bit surreal, honestly, but not uncomfortable.

She reached her hand out timidly and I closed my eyes as she came into contact with it. She wrapped her hand lightly around the shaft, barely touching it, and stroked it slowly. I hissed at the contact, tingling shooting through me.

I reached down and stilled her hand after a moment, leaning forward and kissing her softly. I slipped her panties off of her, leaving her completely naked.

I hovered over her, allowing my mouth and hands to explore. Her body was exquisite, breathtaking. Her breasts were soft, supple. Her waist slender, her stomach flat. Her hips widened slightly, her backside round. She had a naturally curvy figure but was skinny—almost too skinny. Her legs were toned from running. I ran my hand lightly over her mound and she moaned. She was wet, her scent succulent. I longed to taste her, wondering if it were possible for her body fluids to taste as amazing as they smell, but once again I was afraid to try. Afraid of losing control, making a mistake.

It wasn’t entirely fair to Bella, me holding back on her so much, but I had to be sure. I couldn’t take any chances. I’d have to play it as safe as possible while still giving this to her.

“Make love to me,” she whimpered after a moment, her voice a desperate whine. I closed my eyes as the words hit me—I expected them, knew they’d come eventually, but the gravity of the situation still caused them to astound me.

“Are you sure about this Bella?” I asked. I had to be sure--she had to be sure. This was big; there was no going back from this.

“Yes,” she said, her voice confident. I took a deep breath, inhaling her scent.

“This isn’t…” I started, about to tell her it wasn’t safe but stopping myself. She knew it wasn’t safe and telling her so would be condescending. “I need you to try not to move much, until I’m sure that I won’t lose it. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” she breathed, nodding simultaneously.

“And if I really hurt you, you need to alert me right away.” She nodded. “Promise me, Bella. Promise me that if it hurts or is too much or I scare you you’ll tell me. You can’t hold back. I don’t know… I don’t know what’s going to happen or how I’m going to react, so you have to promise you won’t just take it. I can’t do this if you’re just going to sit there and accept whatever I dish out. Tell me to stop at any time and I will.”

“I promise,” she said. I gazed into her eyes and saw nervousness, but they were completely void of any fear.

I leaned down and kissed her passionately. Bella opened her legs wider as I climbed between them, hovering over her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, keeping her lips planted against mine. She was trembling lightly, the blood in her body pumping furiously. She was anxious.

I tried to block out the sound of her frantic heart, trying to focus my ears on the crackling of the fire. I hissed as the tip of my erection pressed against her opening, the warm wetness seeping onto it immediately and sending shockwaves through me. I pushed forward, as slow as possible and completely gentle, allowing the tip to slip inside. Bella and I both gasped at the sensation of me entering her. I paused momentarily, making sure Bella was okay. I pushed forward a bit more and felt the slight resistance from her virginity.

“This is going to hurt some,” I whispered. “I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

Bella nodded, her grip on me tightening. I braced myself before pushing forward slightly, gently. Bella tensed up immediately, crying out a bit as I broke through her barrier. I inhaled and froze, my body tensing up immediately as the powerful scent hit me like a ton of bricks. I held my breath but the venom pooled quickly, so quick I nearly gagged on it. I silently cursed myself as I fought for control, fought against the monster in me. It was boiling up, fighting to spring forth. I glanced down and saw Bella staring at me wide-eyed, shock on her features but there was no fear. I knew I looked crazy, the scent of her blood sending my body into an immediate frenzy.

I was somewhat prepared for this, knowing that virgins often bleed. I wasn’t thirsty, as I’d hunted so much my body was as satiated as it can get on animals, but Bella’s exposed blood was never good, regardless of how off it smelled.

“Lay still,” I said softly after my body stopped shaking and the flow of venom slowed. Bella nodded, smiling apologetically. She looked like she were ashamed and I wanted to tell her there was no reason for that—if anything, I should’ve been ashamed. I was inside the love of my life, making love to her for the first time, and all my vile body could care about is the trickle of blood running down her thigh and staining the sheets. It was only a few drops, barely enough to even be noticed by normal people, but my senses responded to it like a drug.

I grabbed the headboard of the bed to brace myself and took a breath. I felt the burn immediately but it wasn’t as intense as before, the flow of venom not as pronounced. I gripped the headboard tightly, splintering off a piece of the wood but otherwise retained control. After a few more breaths I could function, the scent wavering.

I glanced down at Bella and smiled lightly. “Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly, worried. She smiled and nodded.

“Are you?” I nodded. “Can you continue?” she asked, her voice hesitant and nervous. I smiled lightly, nodding again; pretty sure I could keep myself collected.

I pushed the rest of the way I and we both groaned as I filled her completely. She was so tight, her wet warmth encasing me, fitting me like a glove. I was stretching her, I knew that—I wasn’t arrogant but I knew I wasn’t small. I worried if it was hurting her but she seemed relaxed, her eyes fluttering closed.

I pulled out and pushed back in slowly, the sensation causing my entire body to tremble. The feelings rising up inside of me were intense, so intense I could barely contain them. It was like a whirlwind, a tornado ripping through me. The warmth flowing through my body, lighting me on fire. My heart hadn’t beat in decades but I could nearly feel it being jolted by the electricity sparking between us. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, unlike anything I ever imagined. The feeling of being inside of her so powerful it nearly buckled me.

I gripped Bella’s hips, trying to hold her lightly so to not hurt her. It was hard to tell, with the power surging through me, but she didn’t seem to be in pain. I thrusted in and out of her, trying to go slow and gentle but it was torturous. I wanted more, needed more.

I leaned down and captured Bella’s lips to mine, keeping up my rhythm. I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her. I tried not to put too much weight on her but I needed to feel her, to hold her. She kissed me back with fervor, her arms coming up and wrapping around my neck, trying to pull me even closer.

I could feel the thumping of her heart in her chest, could feel the blood flowing just under her thin fragile skin. Her skin was flushed, a light pink from head to toe. I could feel her pulse from inside of her, feel the blood pumping as her walls grasped around my erection. Her heartbeat started picking up even more, her breathing becoming labored and it was suddenly too much. The venom started flowing, the fire in my chest rising up, scorching my throat. I felt the growl rumbling my chest involuntarily, my body trembling. I tried to fight it back and ignore it, but her body started clenching up, tightening around me. Her heart was thumping loudly, vibrating her chest. I tried to pull away but Bella held onto me tightly and I was afraid of forcing her off of me, hurting her. She cried out, her back arching as her body shook. I nearly lost it and growled, my lips pulling back to expose my teeth instinctively, but one glance at the look of pure ecstasy on Bella’s face stopped me. I quickly yanked myself from her grasp and gripped the headboard again, cracking it with the force of my hold.

Bella ran her nails down my back as her orgasm subsided, her heart calming down some. I let go of the headboard and wrapped my arms around her, sure I could keep myself in check for the time being.

After awhile I felt a bubbling below the surface and my insides started tensing up. Bella’s breathing grew shallow, her heart picking up again. I pulled up slightly but continued moving, knowing I was nearing release. I wanted to pull out, slightly afraid to release inside of her because of the high levels of venom that would seep out, but I knew she was nearing another orgasm and couldn’t do that to her. I held off as long as I could, the tightening almost hurting as my body begged for relief. Bella’s body started to shake again and clench around me and I couldn’t take it. I let go as Bella let out a scream, her heart thumping loudly, frantically. I growled as I exploded, my body convulsing. I turned my head quickly as I lost control of myself and sunk my teeth into the pillow, my growling slightly muffled. I gripped the bed tightly with one hand, my fingers digging in and ripping the mattress, my other hand holding onto Bella’s hip to still her.

After the explosion died down and I felt the fire receding again, I let go of the bed and turned to glance at Bella. She was smiling sweetly, her eyes still closed. I pulled out of her slowly, hissing at the loss of contact. Bella whimper for the same reason, her eyes popping open to look at me. She narrowed her eyes slightly but smiled lovingly. I rolled over beside her, covering the damage I’d done to the bed, and pulled her to me, throwing the blanket over us. I’d deal with the destruction later. Right now I just wanted to hold Bella—I wasn’t ready to break our connection yet.

I glanced over to the alarm clock sitting on the table beside the bed. It was 2 minutes after midnight. I guess technically Alice even had the timing down-- my love was officially 20 years old now.

“Happy Birthday, Bella.”